The final war

[Firouz]

Your story is great; I can't wait to read more of it.

[manche]

Dear Firouz, i do not have any words to say. Such lovely words from you. Thank you again for your generous interest and support. I feel in similar moments that my work has some sense and it makes my love for writing even stronger.

[manche]

The next piece of my story.

It was for the first time when Sinbad said something like this loudly. The topic of Maeve was still too painful for him. After her disappearance, it was so hard to get used to the fact that she is not the part of his ordinary day anymore and he did not stop to hope that they will find the another realm very quickly. For some time, they do not talk about her on the board at all. He was not alone who missed this great witch; she was the part of family and one of the closest people for all crew. They needed to cope with her absence. But after some time, some of them started to talk about her again and they reminisced about her. They all did not stop to believe that they will meet with her again. “She will be always a member of your family. It does not matter that she is not there with us right now. Our family will be complete one day again. And when we talk about her, it is almost if she was there with us.” was the Doubar’s opinion. Firouz expressed the opinion that from the psychological point it is better to talk about her. “Pretending that she does not exist or they we are not affected her dissapearance is like poison for us. We experienced so much good with her. We should remember to it.“

Doubar and Firouz were among the men who talked about her the most, Bryn was curious of her as well, she heard so much about her from their mouths, and even Rongar did not miss during similar conversations, although he could not speak. But Sinbad tried to avoid to them initially. “I am not ready to talk about her yet. There are too many things which i did not catch to tell her. I would wish to do it. And I need to overcome it at first.” said Sinbad to Doubar when they had one of their brotherly conversations. The crew respected the Sinbad’s attitude and they talked about her when they were alone and they were patiently waiting if Sinbad will join to them one day. They all knew that Sinbad had deeper feelings for her and he suffers from her absence the most although he did not admit it directly. After next few months Sinbad started to appear during the similar conversations but he did not talk very much. He was usually smiling when somebody talked about her, sometimes he had a sad expression on his face, the same expression which he had when he returned on the board for the first time after her disappearance.

He did not reveal his love for her directly, even before his brother until this time. But Doubar knew this fact without it, Firouz and Rongar as well; even Bryn was able to decipher this fact from his behaviour. “There are only a few things in the world which can affect someone so much. And love is definitely one of them.” she said during one occasion to Firouz. He was not able to explain why he revealed his secret to Turhan right now. He had the feeling that Turhan can understand to him better than anyone else. Their stories were almost identical with the exception of the fact that Turhan did not miss the chance to say Jial what he feels towards her. Sinbad regretted this missed chance a several times.

Both men were working without any words for some time after that when a familiar voice sounded behind them. “We have it, Sinbad. We found the spell!” Sinbad turned towards the incoming. He saw Bryn and Firouz who were approaching towards him with smiles. “We have found the key to the another realm. We can hit the road immediately.” said Firouz excitedly.

[manche]

The next piece of my story:

Sinbad was astonished by this news for a short moment but after that he excitedly headed towards his friends. “Firouz! Bryn! I knew that you manage it. You are really great.” He hugged Bryn and patted Firouz on the shoulder so strongly that he almost fell to the ground. The members of the crew did not experience such a moment of happiness for a longer time. Firouz tried to explain to Sinbad some details about finding the spell, but he did not listen to him too attentively. Doubar arrived towards them after a few minutes. He was not alone, Timour made him company. “Have you already heard about it, the little brother? I hope that is the real turning point in the progress of this fight, my brother. We will meet with all our friends again. And we will find a way, how spoil the famous military campaign of our old friends.“ was smiling Doubar.

Sinbad nodded and he started to make plans for travelling. “We must prepare our ship very quickly for the journey. How much time we will need for the journey, what do you think, Firouz?” “I would say two or three days, it depends on the wind. With the good wind, two days. Without it, one more day.” replied Firouz. “When I know the exact location, i can make quite a good estimate.” “And how long time can withstand the defence of the city?” Bryn gave him a brief overview about all spells which she used, including the protective wall. "I think that it was your best move, Bryn." smiled Sinbad at her. “They will be able to overcome my magic after some time. There are a few spells of the old Tiresias and his young apprentice as well. This all could give us a few days, maybe one week, I am not sure of it.” “We can use some of my devices which could prepare their army hot moments as well.” offered Firouz to his friends.

“We have a small problem here. We can not wait with this important journey; we should set off this night. But this city needs the maximal possible protection until our return.” said the young sailor after that. He looked at Firouz and he asked him: “Firouz, would you be willing to stay here and prepare all possible inventions for the protection of the city until our return? We will probably deal with the powerful magic during our searching for this weapon and even three magicians can be little. We can not simply leave Bryn there and I have no doubts that you will manage to secure this city maximally.” “I will do it, Sinbad. I will do everything what will be in my power.” said Firouz. “I know, my friend. We will return to help all of you.” Sinbad smiled at his friend. “We should inform the king Casib about the situation and prepare our ship for sailing.” "I had a feeling that I spotted him in the neighbouring street, when i was walking here.” noted Doubar.

Turhan was in the background the whole time, but he heard the whole conversation. After its end, he went towards the crew. Doubar and Firouz did not notice him until this moment and they were pleasantly surprised by his presence there. "Turhan, the old friend. I am happy that you are alright." shouted Doubar. He smiled and he shook his hand. Firouz did the same thing after that. "Is your..." said Doubar after that, but he noticed the Sinbad's warning shake of the head and he decided not to finish his question. Turhan only briefly smiled at them, Sinbad introduced him to Bryn and he immediately asked Sinbad: “Can I go with you also, Sinbad? I do not want to push on you, but if you are going to find something which can end this war forever, I want to participle on it so much. You know my reasons for it. And it seems to me that you are able to understand me in this issue well. Please, Sinbad.” Doubar questioningly looked at Sinbad, but Sinbad did not want to explain to him something right now. “We can need another pair of skilful hands, Turhan. But you should know that it can be dangerous, my friend.” "More than an attack on this city?” said Turhan slightly sarcastically. Sinbad did not say anything more towards this note.

“We must go to the king. Quickly!” The group headed toward the neighbouring street. But a next small interruption appeared. ”The captain Sinbad!” said Timour and he grabbed the Sinbad’s hand. “I would wish to go with you as well, the sir. Please, give me this chance. I want to show all unbelieving people around me that i am not the same as my father was." Sinbad was a little confused by this speech. “Who are you, the boy?” said only. “I will explain it to you later, Sinbad. I would rebuke for the chance for him, the little brother.” said Doubar. Sinbad slightly nodded. "Please, go with us, the boy. We will talk about it later." These six people continued towards the neighbouring street without any next interruptions.

[manche]

The next piece of my story:

The king Casib really was in the neighbouring street where he was cutting some wood. Sinbad went to him alone, he ordered the rest of the crew to return to the port and start with the preparations. Sinbad explained to him the whole situation. “I am sorry that we must leave this town again, but this weapon is our biggest priority now. Our preparations there can help us only for a limited period of time. Firouz will stay there and he will help you with the maximal possible protection, my king.” said at the end of his explanation. Casib only nodded his head. “I can not say that I am very happy that such great help as you must go before the beginning of this small action, but I understand how necessary it is. If this weapon really helps us to win...” He stopped to talk for a moment and he was thinking about something. “Do you think that you manage to gain this weapon in time?” “We will do everything for it. But I think that we cannot waste our time now. We can prepare our ship for sailing within a hour.” said Sinbad urgently. “I will give you a few my men for help with it, Sinbad.” promised Casib.

The preparations for the journey were made really quickly. Nomad still had some supplies for a few days of the journey. Sinbad decided to leave a certain amount of his people in the city for the help with defence. During the hour, the ship was prepared for the journey. There appeared a lot of volunteers who heard rumours about searching for the powerful weapon and they offered their help to the crew. Sinbad was grateful for their interest but he persuaded them that they will be more useful when they stay there and help maintain the city into their return. “We can use this weapon for ending of this war. But there still must be something which we can rescue. We do not wish to return to the conquered city where we will find only our enemies. I hope that you understand why it is better when you stay there.” said Sinbad. “We will not let you in this mess, my friends. We will return to help you.” added Doubar.

Only three new men were chosen for this journey. The first of them was Turhan who got this promise from Sinbad who understood his desire to participate in a similar mission. Sinbad did not tell the crew the reason why Turhan had this wish; he made judgement that if Turhan wants to share his story with the others he will do it himself. The second man was Timour through the intercession of Doubar. “His life is not easy, Sinbad. He lives in the shadow of his father and his violent crimes the whole life. Some people still have prejudices towards him and they try not to get in touch with him very much, some defame him behind his back when they think that he does not listen to them. I met his father personally a few years ago. You certainly know his name. Timour, The elder.” explained Doubar. Sinbad really knew this name. “One of the most dangerous robbers in this part of the world before he was killed a few years ago. This is his son?” “I have known since the beginning that I know his face. But I saw how brave he can be and according everything which I heard about him from some people there, he is the complete opposite of his father. When i do not count his physical appearance. I would give him this chance. I saw him in the fight and he could be useful to us.” Sinbad knew that he can rely on the Doubar’s judgment and he allowed Timour to travel with them as well.

During the preparations for the journey, an old friend of the crew appeared in the port. “Tetsu! I have known that I passed around you before. “How are you, the old friend?” shouted Sinbad excitedly and he hugged his friend. “I hoped that I catch you there. I heard about your mission and I wished to greet you before your departure. All of you!” He smiled and he went to hug Doubar and Firouz as well. Firouz introduced Bryn to him. “I am honoured to meet you, the lady. I have seen your magic in work. It was really impressive.” He turned towards Sinbad again. “I realized that I might not get the next chance to greet you again. You changed the way which my life goes. The becoming of the sailor was the best decision which I could make. And you have the unquestionable merit in this, all of you. If I survive this war, I will return to sea again. This dream gives me strength to cope with all bad what I see around me. And I wanted to offer you my help during searching for this weapon. I would take it as repayment of the debt which I have towards you. Maybe I will not get another chance.”

Tetsu said it in a tone which Sinbad was not able to say no. He only simply nodded. “I will talk about it with my crew.” said Sinbad to him. Tetsu went a few steps away with a light smile on his lips. “I think that he really wishes to help us with this, the little brother. Do you want to cause him sadness, really? You two have a certain connection. You are like brothers in a certain way.” said Doubar. “I do not know this guy, but I am certain that he is a good man. And I could add the next reason for his presence on the board. He has the same bracelet.” joined Bryn to the conversation. “Do you think that it would be useful to have three bracelets with us? “ asked Sinbad. “We can not know what can be useful in our effort to gain this weapon. We should use every possible advantage.” said Bryn simply. “So, it looks that we have a new passenger.” decided Sinbad finally. The weight of these arguments was enormous and he could not agree with them more. And so it was that Tetsu became the third and the last man who joined to the crew for this important mission.

[Firouz]

I like how everyone is waiting and ready to offer Sinbad help to go after the weapon!
I also like how Turhan and Tetsu are going! LOL
And how Sinbad thanks the people for the help, but makes them stay to protect the city for their return! Every job is important after all.

My only critique, is that is needs to be fleshed out more; the story is great, but more details would make it AWESOME!

[manche]

Thanks for your insights, dear Firouz. I am very grateful for your interest about my story. Thank you very much.

People simply realized how much this weapon is valuable for the final victory and they wished to participate in such an important task. And nobody can predict how such a powerful weapon can be protected so maybe more people there would be useful. The crew is grateful for their interest, but Bagdad needs their help more.

It is truth that all people there have an important task. The crew will be searching for the weapon but the defenders will be trying to leave Bagdad unconquered until this time and it the important task as well. It would not be very useful if the crew would return to the conquered city with this weapon. They could use this weapon against the enemies but it would not be possible to bring back the dead defenders and similar things.

Can I ask you if you mean some concrete part which should be more fleshed out or do you mean the story in the global scale? I am grateful for your opinion about it; every similar advice can help improve my writing.

[Firouz]

You are writing a great fic, but it needs to be shown not exactly told. Like when they are all in dialogue, have the characters express their emotions on their faces or turn the fic into a first person POV for a short time; to show how the characters are feeling about the events instead of telling through their words.
Hope it helps.
Sam

[manche]

Thank you for you advice, dear Firouz. I admit that it was possible to flesh out it more in some parts, but I tried to describe some feelings more deeply in some situations (the meeting of Firouz with Velda, or the small talk of Sinbad with Turhan) or about the common dialogues, maybe there was some expression of emotions in faces but not very much. I hope that I was a little successful in this effort, but I could have added more in some parts. The idea with the first person point of view is in my plan and it appears very early.

Thanks for your insights once again.

[Firouz]

No problem!

[manche]

I have been writing after more than three months today. It was such a great feeling, I missed it so much. I hope that you will enjoy it.

“How does it look, Doubar? Are we ready for the journey?” asked Sinbad to his first mate. “We can set sail during a few minutes, Sinbad. The tide is almost here.” answered Doubar. Sinbad nodded. He was slowly passing through the whole ship for the last time. Tetsu helped a few crewmembers with pulling of the mainsail and the young Timour tried to assist them as well. Bryn cared about some ropes on the right side of the stern with the crewmen Nectou and Ateeb. Sinbad was prepared to take the tiller as the first person. “Sinbad, come over here, please!” shouted Firouz from the port to Sinbad. Sinbad returned to the shore. Firouz was there together with Jared who had a bag in his hands. “It is something useful for your journey from our doctor. It is a kind of ointment for cleaning of stab wounds. It can ease the pain; prevent the possible infection of the wounds and help faster healing of the wounds. I know from my own experience that it works.” Sinbad nodded. “How does it look with Evan? I hope that his injury is not so much serious.” “He will be alright, Sinbad. Velda said that he will be completely healthy again during a few days.” answered Jared. “Velda? This name sounds familiarly to me.” said Sinbad and he looked at Firouz. He heard steps behind him at the same time. “The ship is prepared, Sinbad. It is time to go.” said the first mate. He returned to the shore for the last time, together with Bryn, few next crewmembers, Tetsu and Turhan. Sinbad looked around at the group of people in front of him. The Casib’s soldiers who helped with the preparations for the journey started to leave the board.

Casib was standing in the crowd as well and he went to Sinbad and the others now. “We must go now, my King. We will return with the help back. Please, hold on.” said Sinbad and he offered his hand to him. “Thank you for your help, my dear captain. We will wait for your ship every day.” said Casib with the light smile. Doubar and Bryn went to Firouz. “Be careful of yourself, Firouz. We will see again very soon, I hope.” said Doubar and hugged his friend. “I wish you luck on your journey as well.“ “Thank you, Firouz.” said Bryn and hugged him as well. “If is someone capable to help these people in this situation, it is you.” “If we should not see again, I would wish to tell you both...” said the inventor. “Do not speak like this, Firouz.” interrupted Doubar his speech. “It sounds as you would want to say goodbye. You know how much I do not like it.” “These were great years. All our adventures, do you remember? It was honour to sail together with you all.” said Firouz. “We will have time to remember them later. We must believe in it, Firouz.” said Sinbad who passed from Casib and Jared to him. He hugged Firouz as well. “Say hello to Rongar from me. And Maeve. Barada. The master Dim Dym. I hope that I will see them again. I am glad that they were my friends.” whispered Firouz. There were a next few crewmembers behind Sinbad who wanted to say goodbye to Firouz as well. Doubar and Bryn said goodbye to Casib and Jared. The all members started to return on the board slowly after that. All onlookers were watching them and they were calling wishes of luck. “Be careful of yourselves, the people. The good luck with this mission.” shouted Jared. Doubar who went as the last man in the group noticed Aptor with his family entering into the crowd. They were too far for some communication and he had not time to talk with them. Tara noticed him and she alerted her children. “The uncle Doubar!” shouted both children to him. Doubar was waving them and he felt a little relief. At least this family is complete so far. he thought. Some other people do not have the same luck. When he finally returned to the board, the ship started to move. All people who were not necessary for manoeuvring with the ship during its departure gathered on the side of the ship and they were waving to the people in the port. Doubar and Bryn were among them.

The people in the port were watching the ship until it did not disappear in the dark of the night. “Good luck, my friends.” whispered Firouz again. “Would you wish to be with them right now, Firouz?” asked Casib. “My place is here now. We must maintain this city.” said Firouz. “You do not know how much we all appreciate it, Firouz.” said the young king and he firmly grabbed his left shoulder. “The absolute truth, Firouz.” nodded Jared. “We should return to the work.” offered Casib after a few moments. Firouz nodded. He turned back to the city. He noticed Aptor with his family in the crowd. He did not know about their presence in the city so far. He was surprised and he promised himself that he will go to greet them at the first opportunity.

[Doubar]

Yay, another update! It makes me so happy to see that you're still writing, Manche.

[Firouz]

Great job, though why Firouz is saying farewell like he won't ever see them again is a bit depressing. He's travelled with them for 2 years; they might be beaten up at time or two, he should still believe they will return in time.

[manche]

I did not want to create an impression that Firouz wants to say goodbye to his friends, that he does not believe that he will see them again. He hopes and believes in them as usually. But on the other hand, they are sailing to an undoubtedly dangerous mission to find an unknown weapon and he does not have any idea what they can expect on this mission, how much time it can take, he realizes that defence of Baghdad can be broken until their return. He was simply overcame for a moment by the seriousness of the situation and he wished to say them what they all mean for him and how important thing for him is the fact that he is a member of this amazing family for the case "what if" I am sorry if it sounded too much depressively but I assure you that Firouz did not lose his belief at all.

[manche]

Feb 1, 2015 9:56:13 GMT -5 Doubar said:

Yay, another update! It makes me so happy to see that you're still writing, Manche.

And thank you Doubar, thank you for your interest, it was very nice from you...