oh, no no, i won't,, don't worry MJ,, ..... *DOUBAR, WHERE DID I PUT MY GUN ? * ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
;D ;D ;D ;D
seriously, i like criticism, positive or negative i guess to some limits it'll be instructive, so i'm not gonna be mad of it, let's at first agree on something that people have different POV over things or issues...... that will make things simpler
so, your review consist of 2 parts, let's take the 2 or 3 positive notes first:
oh, this news is terrific to me,,, in spite of the slow pace you seem to still being interested, that's one good news,
as for Tetsu....
well i intended to make his entrance as a surprise, and glad that i find you like this way
then, i think it was a good surprise, right?
eh, i LIKE it too ;D ;D hehe,, i thought it'll create little fun through the very tensed events and pressured atmosphere in a kinda sad chapter,, just to delighted the mood a little!
also i like to show Sinbad playful side that was VERY apparent in S2 than S1,, so that i didn't neglect Sinbad's change that was obvious.
NOW, let's see part 2 of your review,,,
hmm, i can see here 3 points *scratches head*
okay, i needed to read this phrase 4 to 5 times to get really what you meant!
i see what you meant by 'little movie', but actually i write what in my mind....... all i wrote before, all i 'll write after it's just what is in my mind and if you think it's a movie, then it's not the case of this chapter only, but all the previous ones as well,
i have 4 things to tell about this -may be you'll find a reply in them- :
1- My real aim during writing, reading (AoS or others) or even watching the show or other movies are the
CHARACTERS... everything about them,,, the character's study is -i dare to say- the most thing i care for even over the action or events,,, i love fun, writing styles, new idea, fantasy and all, but my focus is ALWAYS the characters, meaning their feelings, thoughts, personalities, psychology, emotions, complications, reactions etc........
so, yeah.... if i to imagine things to write them down, they may appear to you that i imagined a little movie, may be it's true,,,,, but this how my mind work,,, and when writing it down all i care for to put down the character as i imagine them or believe they are,,, you notice how i focused on their thoughts and feelings here? but for the actions...... nothing but some few reactions from them to the very very event happened in the chapter,
and to put it that way, let me summarize the whole chap to you, to make it simpler:
"
*Sinbad meeting with the stranger (which is very important to see the impression she gave to him and Bryn, and vice-versa........ later on, in the story progress you'll learn that the stranger has some importance but i'm not allowed to reveal it now)
*Sinbad, and the crew feelings and thoughts (especially Sinbad and Bryn,,, the first's fear over Maeve being in danger is real or did he really lost her! and Bryn to give you hint
how she's feeling him and the others, hints about
her powers...... she has GREAT ROLE here, i must say"
*Sinbad and the crew realize -and are sure- Maeve being in great danger*Tetsu introduction "
so no real action, just focus on the characters and their reactions, feelings, and thoughts!!!
i'm really sorry to disappoint you if you didn't know from the first moment that this is my biggest interest!
then i tried my best to put
these *point upward* on papers,,, and i'm really not aware that some people won't be able to follow what i wrote coz simply ........ there were nothing to follow!!!!!! there is no action there to follow,,, just some emotions and disturbed thoughts... that's all!!
and the chapter being
vague..... that's a point you didn't clarify, i'm not sure what you're really mean by it -and believe me i really want to know,, am very curious actually not mad- coz as i said >>> i wrote 5 pages of thoughts and emotions...... so how could 5 pages of the same idea being non clear!
please, tell me what you meant,, coz i'm very interested in your point of view.
2- second of all, this work in fact isn't just an absolute fan-fiction, it's a ff -yes- but it represents
MY WORLD of AoS,, which means it's not a simple story that'll be just written and i'll search for other idea to put on paper,,, further meaning is i'm trying to find out all and any links and points missed by the original show,, all the things that hurt us as fans....... explanations that had never been provided and left us back there thirsty and angry! so it comes out as a
big project -like Doubs like to call
- ......... everyone of us as fans has his own AoS universe as they imagined it in their fantasy,,, and i just decided to put it on papers instead of keeping it in my mind!
and if you read my note on my profile, or in the prologue, you'd see that the idea was first that TiaKisu asked me about my AoS fantasy during one of our lovely disscussion, and she encouraged me to write down, i started to write to her , i meant the ideas but it came out as what you saw till now,, and when i send them to her she insisted that i should post them! i wasn't seeing them as something to post and so, turned out it becomes interesting to some readers!
point is, it's not a simple story, but based on a
loaded background as you'll see with the end of the current part, and including new permanent characters involvement as the stranger who'll stay with crew, this may not be acceptable by many fans and reader, but that's how my mind see it!
being not simple leads us to pt 3
3- which is that all of the
R&R is just an
INTRODUCTION! shocking as it may be but it's true.......... all of what you read just an intro to the adventure,
i don't know if you read the Author Note that I posted on FFN or not, but there i put the plan for it,
the only weakness that you may find in this case is the very slow pace of the story!
i know... i take you as an adventure/action fan, right? means you don't like slow pace,,, i'm so sorry for that ..... but exactly as Tiakisu mentioned in her review..... in this exact moment of the story all i have to do is to give the characters the space they need and the reader the time and the chance to *
digest* the situation right now AND the info that's coming up next....... COZ BELIEVE ME IT'S VERY COMPLICATED!!!!
4- finally, something about my style! why it may be ... OVER-EXPRESSING you may say.. well as you see my school study was mainly focused on literature, the French one, beside of course my obsession of the Arabic one,, we studied also English one but we didn't focus as my school was french...... point is i learnt through my literature studies that description is something very very considerable in a novel, and if you focus on action so some authors won't consider it!! okay, lets face it this is not novel, nor i agree with this opinion! however you still can see that i'm affected by my studies!!
i love Victor Hugo the most, beside Lamartine.. Antoine De Sainte Exupéry,, Moliere, Racine, Jule Verne.... i love literature but -for your surprise- I HATE DESCRIPTION!!!! when i studied
Les Miserables....... oh can't tell you how I LOVED it but i was suffering from the description, after finishing it i felt like 'whoa!!' coz i know this description was necessary,,, it gives the work a taste specific of the author! and then i stopped complaining and appreciate the novel the way Hugo made it,,
while for Balzac!!!! OMG what can i say,, he is the MASTER OF DESCRIPTION,,, it's over & over-description that overwhelm the work -no offence to him, he's great author but i didn't like his style coz of this- creating papers and papers for just the look of one character!
that's how i was -let me say- raised up...... even if don't like it i'm affected and to some extent i'm convinced,,,, when i write.... i put what in mind and am surprised with the description i made,,,,, when come to post it,, i already delete some parts! can't help it but to try to describe everything.
so little movie or not,,, i believe its my writing style, and it's not about this exact chapter but all what i write -i guess.
and i said in Author Note...... i'm not a writer originally, so... that's what i succeeded to create so far and somehow i'm satisfied by the result which means it's my style if i ever being a writer!
oh really? weird!!! okay, why not provide me example,, exactly which part did confuse you?
i need to know so i can analyse this and if i agree with you then at least not making this mistake again.
though i can't find this ..... well i'm the author so it shouldn't confuse me ;D ;D ;D but again i think it's about the style thing!!!
i believe i love to change in names referring to characters,, and sentence arrangement so it can carry air of renovation and little in-clarity ..... i believe every character is well known now by us and if i mentioned one token we can deduce the corresponding character,
if i say the sage....... so either Caipra or Dimdim
new lady ....... for sure it's the stranger as she the newly introduced to this world and she's a lady...
Doubar was obvious,,, and moreover when 'little brother' is mentioned so logically it's him ;D
"
Three pairs of eyes widen at that" after mentioning Maeve that's for sure refer to the crew minus Bryn as she wasn't affected, she doesn't know her....
yeah, i think it's my style,, i remember telling Tiakisu i love my readers to think about what they are reading a little,, giving them hints and all,, also not being that opened to them..... little play is fun,, and again...... i'm still affected with big works
aah, now this is good point,
as i said English was never my language before this,,, don't mean mother tongue but my school as i said was French and all my studies back then, so real REAL English i encountered in Collage in scientific studies,, so English vocabulary of literature..... nah i'm bad about it,,,
though yup i feel progressing a little as Tiakisu said
still not English expert after all, i'm not linguistic dear,, i'm scientist
how can i recognize old language from the new one? ;D ;D ;D but i understand of course what you mean, coz i met a plenty of this in French ... and different ways..... like Moliere's plays ...
so, you tell me here new info
and i appreciate it,, now why don't you provide me a synonym to use instead of the referred word?
and i'll appreciate it really if we keep the grammar and linguistic correction here or wherever you like,, coz it's more freely to both of us to express and discuss the mistakes than mentioning it simply in a review,,,,,,,, you'll discover the student side of me then,
;D ;D noooooooo my lady,, i wanna more than this,,, but i love the new info you provided me this time, and am looking for more .. you can post it here if you like,,, i love to learn
ALL IN ALL,, thanks MJ for your feedback sweetie, and i wished you liked it more, sorry i disappoint you! with my style, my pov, my goals or the way i see things! i hope you don't change your mind about the fiction after this
but really, wait for the next 2 chapters, coz you'll find out some complicated secrets which is the core of the adventure!
thanks again
good point, you're right... it's seldom when we see his POV... and feelings as human!
i'm trying my best though, and it's good to see it's not a VERY big deal for the readers!
but eventually i used it ... if you think it may confuse the readers then i'd use the full name. i don't mind it really 
