Eric/Deamus
Merchant at Sea
"Did you get my flowers?..."
Posts: 1,322
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Post by Eric/Deamus on Oct 18, 2013 18:07:15 GMT -5
@doubar,,oh, thank you,, thank you *makes the happy dance*  may be this returns to me reading frequently in the time between i started writing till now! i read all fanfictions of AoS again and again prior that though,,, but there is no other explanation! however let me say, may be it's the writing itself! first time isn't like the following ones right? i wrote this chapter from a long time ago,,  not all at one time,, i start with the second half when i wrote the previous chapter... so long time,, then the first part i wrote since few months! i was just lazy to revise and modify,, but let me tell you something *whispering* i think the secret returns to the revision/modification step  but for the grammar,, i'm really glad to see you approve my progress though i made it unintentionally i totally agree with you about the slow pace, and wish others see this reason as well! the coming info in next 2 chap -especially the last one- are complicated enough,, and i find enough trouble to put all of them one dose! so having things calming now is fitting, showing Sinbad state the most importantly and prepare the characters and the readers as well to what's coming up, so glad you find it that way  you read what's behind words and moves Doubs feeling relieved to hear that that means i succeeded !!!!!!!!! that's how i see Bryn not as opponent and replaceable to Maeve but as a lovely person the way she is,,, and i hope this pic reaches all S1 fans ,, she deserves it. *HIGH FIVE* youpieeeeeeeeeeeeeeee YES, YES DOUBS,, that's exactly how their relationship is,,, you're awesome to see what i meant,, this the exact picture i wanna send to everyone step by step, just i'm drawing it gradually and what's more noticeable here,, is how did she do it? you never think about? .... ok lets reveal to you something  *no Teti,, heshhh* it's a part -main part- may i say the nature of her power! arrghh, consider i didn't say it,,, just wait for her story ;D aye, next chapter things will start to be clear (you know, as what's going on and so),,, main secrets will be revealed in the one after it though ...... however, i may divide this last one into 2 coz it's VERY long but even so i'll post both parts together so it's just 2 more updates and this part is over isA,, if you say so hopefully SURPRISEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D i thought so many times to tell you, but then i liked to make it surprise aye it's awesome to have him in the story, though i'm worry how if i can play him well! he wasn't that obvious even if appearing in 2 ep! very little of his character,, which i depend on,, but deeper wasn't provided,, and i am not lucky to see anyone play him here so to give me some insight of his character! the bracelets........ ;D ;D ;D aye, they are SO important in this adventure,, and also it'll be revealed, what are they ? and what the reason after them? and why exactly those 3 were chosen to wear it and as always it's my pleasure and honor to me that you read it,, and enjoyed it, that means a lot for me,, so thank you a lot for it 
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Eric/Deamus
Merchant at Sea
"Did you get my flowers?..."
Posts: 1,322
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Post by Eric/Deamus on Oct 18, 2013 18:10:07 GMT -5
I'll be happy to elaborate on anything that I was unclear about Teti! oh yeah MJ thanks for that,, but i'm really interested in your reply coz it'll help me see through my mistakes and so,, improving my skills or clarifying myself,, so i hope we can continue this discussion, and thanks again for your opinion |
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Firouz
Second Mate
Here
Posts: 2,353
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Post by Firouz on Oct 18, 2013 21:56:10 GMT -5
@teti, I R&R your fic! Totally loved it! Bryn and Sinbad's friendship is so sweety heartfelt I love it! And who is Caipra's apprentice? Sinbad's shock at finding out his visions are true, is dreadfully great! I can't wait to read more! Just where is Maeve, though?  |
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Post by MJ on Oct 18, 2013 22:40:42 GMT -5
Teti, I'll take a look at your novel-length reply and respond when I have some more time, is that alright? However, I am not going to be using many examples from the text because that is very arduous without the word document where I can just write it (in red) in or next to what you wrote. |
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Post by MJ on Oct 20, 2013 9:56:30 GMT -5
You numbered your responses, so I shall use those same numbers to keep any confusion at bay:
1. You like the characters and your focus is on them. Good! If you didn’t enjoy them I would wonder at you writing about them.
I had trouble with this chapter because I found the text to be vague, as in, without a framework; the characters seem to be reacting without a cause the reader can see, it’s often unclear who is thinking or saying what. I likened it to you having written it as if seeing it like a movie to try and clarify how it came across, in doing so I fear I confused you more! Sorry about that. (I’ve just been reading Edith Wharton, so if my use of language is a little 1900, do forgive me).
For example, it came across to me like Sinbad, Bryn and the Stranger had all the time in the world to meet each other, then suddenly the Stranger told them all they had to hurry so much she couldn’t even give her name, which made Sinbad for some reason think of his vision and believe Maeve was in danger and then they all are in a big hurry until they come to Caipra’s house, where suddenly they’re not a big hurry at all anymore. As a reader this confuses me.
2. Every FF writer writes fics in their own version of what they believe the AoS world looks like or could look like. It is your job (and hopefully, your joy) as the writer to flesh out your ideas of that world in such a way that others can understand them and enjoy them too.
3. I do like action/adventure, I also like introspection in characters as I believe I mentioned in my review of your Yarns. And I like this story! I think it’s great that this is just the introduction because it means we get more of the story. I just happen to believe that it is your job as the author to make this complicated story as good as you can make it and my job as a reader and reviewer who cares about the story and its author to give constructive feedback the author can use to improve herself. I can of course only give you my own opinion and it is up to you to consider the feedback and do with it what you think best.
4. I love your style! Please don’t change it! It’s so lyrical and fluid, and yes sometimes difficult to read due to the language you write in being not a wholly familiar one, but the style itself is beautiful.
I like to read complicated things and try to understand the ideas behind them as best I can, however, to get to the ideas I have to understand the structure, if I don’t understand the structure, I cannot get to the interesting bits.
I have offered before to beta your story to help you with the language but as you have refused my help on those occasions and I am not about to trawl through the online text and mark everything and then go and write it in a separate place for you because that would take too much of my (and your) time, I don’t see how I can help you with your English Language skills.
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Eric/Deamus
Merchant at Sea
"Did you get my flowers?..."
Posts: 1,322
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Post by Eric/Deamus on Nov 5, 2013 11:31:01 GMT -5
oh! Firouz you read it? that's great i didn't know! apparently your review wasn't saved coz it didn't show up or notified me!  but the fact that you read it is AWESOME and that you like it is TERRIFIC!! aye, i love Sinbad/Bryn friendship SO MUCH,, and i'm satisfied with my work on it till now,, very happy i was able to leave this impression Lovely that you noticed the Stranger is in fact Caipra's apprentice ah, she has a background of course, but we won't need all of it right now, all we need is how is she related to the current situation, in fact i thought of mentioning this through the last chapter (the next next one), but i found it'll be a very very loaded chap, and there is no place for such info, so i may add it in next Part 'Our Family' ..... still confused, to tell the truth! a fact that should be available by now that she is somehow related to the problem in which Maeve is involved as well, and will play a role in the adventure, NOW, you really really like Sinbad reaction ?? i'm speechless! you liked my description over there? ......... ! i'm genuinely happy to find out that, Um, i try to work on next chapter but seriously i'm very exhausted from work! still your reaction push me to try harder i'll do my best and wish you like it too, still, in the meantime, if you are interested you can try the little piece of YARNS OF THE HEARTS, you may like it.. speaking of Sinbad ;D it's on FFN too MAEVE,,, good remark thinking of it, i actually was mildly surprised that no one commented on The Stranger action once she stepped in the house! or the readers didn't notice it,, with Bryn's increased feeling of a help request in Basra, and while reaching Caipra's house, then the stranger's behavior! it tells something, almost a hint, don't you think? thanks again my friend for being a loyal reader and reviewer your words revived me |
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Eric/Deamus
Merchant at Sea
"Did you get my flowers?..."
Posts: 1,322
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Post by Eric/Deamus on Nov 5, 2013 11:34:59 GMT -5
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Post by Doubar on Jan 5, 2014 7:01:21 GMT -5
YAY! Awesome updates, honey!!!! I r&r. Oh, only one little advice though: When you write several parts of a speech, you need not use new quotes only because you left some space in between the sentences. What I mean is something like that: When Caipra began to explain what happened there's occassions like this one: "You all know - as my husband told you - that he (...) almost mastered and levelled up in her studies.
"To sum it up, she did just great (...) getting both of them back!
"This way required an enormous power (...) All that time here it's Caipra who's speaking, so you really need no quotations in between. -> "You all know - as my husband told you - that he (...) almost mastered and levelled up in her studies.
To sum it up, she did just great (...) getting both of them back!
This way required an enormous power (...) I am just telling you, because using new quotation marks usually means someone else is speaking up, and it can become a tad bit confusing for a reader if you use the marks in between the speeach of one and the same speaker. As a general rule, as far as I know it anyway, once you set the starting marks everything that comes after is direct speech of that speaker - everything, until you set the marks again and with thus indicate the end of that speech. Apart from this little part you used them just right. It was really just Caipra's explanation there where the usage was a tiny bit confusing. Ah now, I hope I explained that well. Feel like my English is not too great this morning, so if anything sounded confusing don't hesitate to ask. |
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Firouz
Second Mate
Here
Posts: 2,353
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Post by Firouz on Jan 5, 2014 11:22:33 GMT -5
All those hints, eh? I'll have to go back and read it all the more carefully then, because while I realize the stranger is Caipra's apprentice; she's still virtually unknown isn't she?
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Eric/Deamus
Merchant at Sea
"Did you get my flowers?..."
Posts: 1,322
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Post by Eric/Deamus on Jan 7, 2014 7:39:44 GMT -5
YAY for you two Firouz and Doubar Thank you guys for your interest and your reviews!! before replying on them I wish first to reply on your comments here so @doubar ....... my rescuer..... you have no idea how this problem had caused me some headache! not this time -actually- since the previous chapter as well!! I was so confused, and hesitated then I did just like you found  now that you clarified it to me.. how can i repay you?!! lovely lovely TK now say, can i modify the chapter after i posted it? or it'll annoy the followers by alerting them of fake-update? thanks again for your priceless help ((hugss))
All those hints, eh? I'll have to go back and read it all the more carefully then, because while I realize the stranger is Caipra's apprentice; she's still virtually unknown isn't she? oh, she is, no doubt about that but let's see what hints i meant not only about the Stranger but from the start: -Chapter 2 "Troubled Morning"so, she is feeling someone in Basra who is need of help and had or will be hurt... now that we go on further with the fiction i can declare safely that she is feeling Maeve's aura through which she felt her injury and being in danger.... moreover we can say that through this weak aura Maeve was asking for help... from Bryn or whoever felt it! Chapter 3 "The Stranger"for 1, 4, 5 so Maeve is back in Basra and her brother is quite sure of that as he recognized her aura, something he is used to do since their childhood. for 2 it was like a stroke... the shock of feeling her injury... not that she is injured but he felt the curse himself and her pains without comprehending what was that, for 3 now that he can focus clearly on her presence and aura he could feel something wasn't right... she was dying so her aura is so weak. from all Maeve is back in Basra for sure but is dying! Same chapter she was feeling Maeve who is related to Dermott by blood.. she was feeling she was dying and in mere danger.. but she lost her memories she didn't recognize her aura so all she could think about it was Dermott as both siblings are sharing some similarities in auras as in blood. and also she could as well sense Dermott fear, hurt and worry upon his sister. moreover the closer they reach towards Basra the worse her feelings became... meaning the victim -who is Maeve- is in Basra. now the real question as we see that Caipra demanded the crew presence and Maeve is in Basra where else could she be except for Caipra house? at least for healing. Chapter 4 "Unexpected Meeting" referring to the Stranger, she didn't care about the whole awkward situation and all... but she blindly rushed to some room in the house without second glance... she still has a mission, aside of bringing the crew, in the house.. something urgent and critical waiting for her, and if we add the deduction of her being Caipra's apprentice so i think she is taking care of Maeve beside Caipra, helping her.. i know the hints especially the last aren't clear.... but -call me crazy- i love to make people think and still guess -was it this or that? or does she really meant that by writing this? and so- love to make people use their imagination with me, and i think it's obvious now that my style carries it all the road, means that's become my natural writing, so anyone who enjoy this style just be careful with every word i use coz further later you'll find they were hints or hidden little messages! if someone doesn't like this way in writing, then they have 2 choices only: either read it as they like not paying attention to details and look only for the essential -though it'll be enigmatic for them and nonsense at some point- or just they may not read it which is the saddest thing for me, but it's all their choice for sure, and whatever it is i respect it. of course Firouz i don't mean you by my words, but i'm talking in general coz i find my way seemed unusual for some people and unacceptable, so i took our discussion and this point you asked about an opportunity to clarify things and making sense of it if you allow me. away of all of these, let me tell you that i'm sincerely and heartly happy that your interest has grown in my work,, i feel that. thanks sweety. replies to reviews coming next my friends, |
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Eric/Deamus
Merchant at Sea
"Did you get my flowers?..."
Posts: 1,322
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Post by Eric/Deamus on Jan 7, 2014 8:51:31 GMT -5
Replies on Reunion & Revelations reviews @ Firouzoh, yeah poor them!.... I'm sorry i'm being this cruel to them but I'm a part demon -you know- I like to see them suffer  but you see.. in my eyes it was how things will carry on and to return them back to normal THE CURE... well, dear it exists and it's actually the main point of the fiction.. that's what the fiction is all about, remember chapter 1 the nightmare of Sinbad? he was searching for the cure in his dream or let's say vision, so it exists and the crew along with Sinbad will be in a long journey searching for it so may be they -the crew and Caipra- don't know where it is as Caipra said, but according to the nightmare if we returned to it Sinbad knows the way to it -mentioned in many occasions in the dream- though he doesn't know why or how but he does, and follows his feelings and instincts and.... his bracelet indeed, it's something like what are seeing now when someone taking vitamins, iron, Ca and so and we know he has infection, these drugs won't cure him but will for sure help being stronger and his immune system as stronger as well, that's Firouz job, and let me say it's a big burden. not only him in this but Caipra and her apprentice as well, but the two latter via magical medicine as healer mages while Firouz via scientific medicine as a physician. they need all the possible and available help to help her fight against the spell till the crew find the real cure. nope... though it's very brilliant idea you see, Maeve is already out of the realm at Caipra's house, -how did she leave something will be revealed later- while Dimdim is safe and sound actually but still in the realm, the battle was over anyway with the defeat of the evil trio. both Maeve and her master win. the bracelet's power is very powerful but focused more on its carries and the bond they share together -something that'll be revealed too in 'Story Of Us' in details- but about others outside this bond its effect will be minor, thus of no effect on fighting a curse or escaping a realm if it wasn't one of its carriers. however it will play the main role in the play..... according to Sinbad's nightmare can't tell more but i will admit it clearly next chapter, i'll try my best my friend hehehe, i bet it's true but we're talking here about Maeve is dying.... so i can't blame the man but you said it, it differs from S1 to S2! seeing that the only difference between them is the presence/absence of Maeve too so it makes sense  more like Dimdim's the most,, Doubar's parently side is showing up when it comes to any of our two witches, not only a friend or brother, but in serious times it's the big brother and the father who's talking, he couldn't see the reasoning that Dimdim didn't protect Maeve, for two reasons as for one his mumbo-jumbo refusing mind still didn't digest the fact that his master wasn't in normal situation and kind of weakened after the spell he cast couple of months ago and that still affecting him as long as it still works, for two he didn't ever recognized Maeve all that powerful -well he believes in her no doubt though- so the protective side kicked out and he see that Dimdim should pay more attention for Maeve, being not able to face such challenge. sweet Doubar <3 for Sinbad.... well all that is in his mind right now is only one thing... Maeve. that's it. he cares about nothing and nobody right now. doesn't feel anything or fear anything but for losing her. even Turok is nothing for him and if the cure in defeating the latter i have no doubt that Turok would be re-beheaded by then the man is obsessed i still don't blame him though, as for Tetsu and Bryn... they only being afraid from the evil they felt from his name and how the crew reacted to that. any of them never met or heard of the man before that -at least Tetsu, as for Bryn, the poor can't remember anything till now- so they feel the danger, but no doubt both are determined to go through it whatever potential it is to rescue Maeve and Sinbad, even if it'll cost their lives they'll go through it. aye me too how much she is/was powerful will be revealed next chapter with her past and history, i like the fictions where Maeve is very strong and powerful, something that i believe TiaKisu mentioned before didn't favorite  i guess it's the first point we've different taste about it but i can't help it, that's how i see her always, since my childhood and before loading such potent history to her! oh as i said i'll try my best, promise thanks soooooooooo much for such support and interest my lovely lovely friend, and i hope you won't lose it with more updates, mmm, just a note... did you know i wrote another fic ? I'm not sure if you like this type of fictions but you may check on chapter 1 and see if you do,, hope you enjoy it |
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Eric/Deamus
Merchant at Sea
"Did you get my flowers?..."
Posts: 1,322
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Post by Eric/Deamus on Jan 7, 2014 9:24:57 GMT -5
And Doubaraye she is  *evil laugh* oh, well Doubs look at the good side, she fought bravely and powerfully, she stood her land fiercely.. and if it wasn't for Dimdim's earlier spell they could killed both Turok and Rumina and defeating Scratch! but things never go as expected  oh, they don't need all the magical forces to break it but just to find the cure, that's all. because without it there is no other way! as i told Firouz, it's all about the cure, the whole fiction.. so don't worry they will find it but they have to go through long and very eventful journey to get it YAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY TRUE, TRUE!! and i can't wait to see what you'll think about it though i warn you it's very very loaded history and unexpected i already fear it wouldn't met your taste! it's the basis on which both cure and the fiction stand on! i strongly believe in it whatever weird it'll be! that's how i see Maeve! awwwww that's incredibly great!! i was looking forward to see everyone's feedback about it, especially this part i'm glad it makes sense and satisfy you about the holes left by the show aw, now i'm excited over it,,, mmm.. looking forward to hear it!! i'm sure yours will be brilliant you're welcome always.. it's me to thank you that's actually awesome to see you liked the update and again thanks for correcting the mistake i did, i needed that |
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Eric/Deamus
Merchant at Sea
"Did you get my flowers?..."
Posts: 1,322
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Post by Eric/Deamus on Jan 7, 2014 10:28:05 GMT -5
YARNS OF THE HEART sweet sweet Doubar, oh really?!! oh i don't know what to say! is is that good? i thought not! but how great is to find out that! eh, that's great words coming from you, a great author..... thanks, thanks, i'm proud i could win these words from you yeah yeah.. i see what you mean and actually i see Bryn as you use to too, but i meant it to show her like that because i believe the show didn't respect her character enough and give her what she deserves, someone had amnesia -normally- should have some weak moments wondering about herself, her memories and so, but more intimately herself the one she used to be and she changed, somehow she misses being familiar with herself again, she misses herself. thus knowing Bryn as strong person as we know i strongly believe she never shows this weak moments in front of anyone including her current family.. accepting by that what the show showed to us, but the few moments she became by herself, she let her defenses down slightly and the weakness personified by worries, queries and wonders attack her.. the only one person that witness it and she accepted this fact is actually Dermott who happens to feel her very wavy emotions and everytime he protected her from this secret panic attack, by providing her his warm welcoming shadow, or aura surrounding all of her existence, body, soul and aura to wash away the worries and bad thoughts. telling her she is no way to be alone, reminding her he's there for her, and the crew too.. her family, the complication of this situation will be more clear when Bryn's secret will be revealed in 'Story of Us'. glad you see it realistic as it's main aim for me to achieve after all and that's what i just explain above. i thought about myself if i was in her situation and i find me asking myself who exactly i used to be, who am i,,, i even wondered if i used to wear the clothes like that, or keep my hair like that, if the hair cut will change my look coz i don't want that, i wanna be myself who i don't remember. and looking in the mirror starts it all, i believe if i have amnesia and forget who am i i would never look to the mirror without being taunting with the torture of the wonders and worries and being on edge of panic attack dying to know who is looking to me from the other side, that i'm really not sure if it was me!!! what can i say? i'm deeply in love with this couple so i guess i'm giving my best for them! their story i planned for is so loaded -at least in my pov- may be emotionally! may be in details but i loved the result in my head and i think it goes just perfect,,, for me it's like the cherry on the delicious cake that is AoS and M/S story... i can't help it, i look to Dermott through Bryn eyes, and vice versa... and i just go through what i feel being one of them! and what you say reminds me, did anyone noticed their nature of magic through what mentioned here and in R&R ? well especially Bryn, because i mentioned it in more than one occasion -either between the both of them or her and Sinbad or only her- but no one commented! hope it was obvious and leaves good impression AHH! tell you what, it all starts with it! that was the first sentence that brought the idea then other words followed!! it's wonderful to see it gives that impression great! thank you thank you, it's all my pleasure, *bows* thanks really goes to you |
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Post by Doubar on Jan 7, 2014 14:18:49 GMT -5
Dear Teti this will be just a reply to your question about the adjusting of a chapter without causing an update alert. I shall try and reply to the other posts, too, but first things first. Indeed you can make adjustments and replace the original chapter with that new version. For this you have to edit the document in the doc-manager then replace the chapter in your "Manage stories" section: 1) Edit the primary document  2) Go to the "Manage stories" section and select your "Reunions and Revelations"  3) Replace the chapter in question with the adjusted document.  It won't cause any alerts (and believe me I know, you have no idea how often I have tinkered with chapters and such after posting them xD ) Hope that helps. And feel free to ask any further questions if you're insecure. |
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Eric/Deamus
Merchant at Sea
"Did you get my flowers?..."
Posts: 1,322
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Post by Eric/Deamus on Jan 7, 2014 14:26:24 GMT -5
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not all at one time,, i start with the second half when i wrote the previous chapter... so long time,, then the first part i wrote since few months!
now that you clarified it to me.. how can i repay you?!! lovely lovely TK 
i guess it's the first point we've different taste about it 
*evil laugh* 
