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Post by Doubar on Apr 3, 2013 7:50:12 GMT -5
Ooooooh, what a meanie. I LOVE surprises. ;D But I really am torn! Obviously the lady is either Bryn or Maeve, and the gentleman either Sinbad or Doubar. But which combination you chose... argh. Can't decide. x.x Still, I'll give it a try. I go for Bryn because you mentioned the hidden past, so unless Maeve in your stories has a memory loss, too, this must be our dear brunette sorceress.  The blue-eyed guy though... Nah, my instinct tells me that's Sinbad. Doubar's got pale blue eyes, and his usually aren't described as sea-like, so yup, I go for this being a Bryn & Sinbad friendship/family scene. Hehehe, wonder if I'm right. ;D As for the paragraph in general: I really like it. You were able to create a lovely atmosphere with it - tranquil and yet also with a hint of apprehension. It is obvious they are in for something important, something that might well have an aftermath. It makes both figures be cautious and have doubts, but at the same time it's clear neither of them really considers chickening out to be an option. There are a few mistakes as far as I can tell, but overall I can see a great improvement, really. Your use of language is getting better and better, and your descriptions are becoming more intricate and a live. I really, really look forward to getting to read more of the story, and hope to be available as your beta again soon.  Oh, and as for the idea concerning your chapters... where you encourage people to interact with you and make guesses... that's great! It's always awesome for readers to notice the authors are interested in getting in touch, so yeah... I really like your idea! P.S.: Don't apologize for being excited! It's actually very nice to see you be this hyper. ;D <3 Awww, really? That's great! |
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Post by MJ on Apr 3, 2013 8:48:00 GMT -5
I love the building of suspense, how you make us feel both the trepadation and the resolve. As for who the characters are... The wish for an identity gives Bryn away... Or at least I think it does. And though I sort of wish it was Dim-Dim, I don't think it is. I'm guessing Doubar, because TK has already guessed Sinbad  Just as a question, do you want us to point out the grammatical mistakes or do you just want to be poked and prodded into continuing the story? If so *Pokes* ;D |
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Eric/Deamus
Merchant at Sea
"Did you get my flowers?..."
Posts: 1,322
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Post by Eric/Deamus on Apr 4, 2013 11:33:54 GMT -5
YYYYAAAAAAYYYYYYYY YOUUUUU Doubs & MJ guyssssssssss thanks for your interest and interaction,,, so first of all, let's see your guesses ;D well, yeah Doubar your guess is quite right,,, ;D so as for the female character both you and MJ got it perfectly it's Brynkey words were " hidden past, identity, pertinence "while for the male character,,, -sorry MJ  - but it's Sinbad as TiaKisu guessed which amazed me how her feeling for Doubar is so deep so she could feel it wasn't him  i don't know really MJ why didn't choose Sinbad for what TK already chose coz never mind if more than one choose the same answer  and yeah again,,, it's friendship/family scene but very deep one ;D ;D Sooooooooooooooooooooooo by this Tiakisu is the first winner with the first paragraph CONGRATULATIONSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS THE REWARD i promised you,, will be posted as soon as i finish working on it which will be some when during these couple of days hopefully and i won't post another piece until week from now -i guess-  All in all, GUYSSSSSSSSSS thank you so much for taking part in this and more to be interested and comment on it,,, you can't know how much i appreciate it and it really really helping me encouraging me my replies to your comments coming now,,
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Eric/Deamus
Merchant at Sea
"Did you get my flowers?..."
Posts: 1,322
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Post by Eric/Deamus on Apr 4, 2013 12:26:54 GMT -5
@doubs,Ooooooh, what a meanie. I LOVE surprises. ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D well that's me, naturally, i have a half demon  ;D ;D ;D well i think you made some good guess and aye, that's quite true,,, and no Maeve has her own troubles & secrets -yes- but certainly not a lost memory in any way and this let me express my wonder again, about how amazing you feel Doubar,,, and ,well, his pale blue eyes that i never imagine to think about but i always focus on how deep sea eyes Sinbad has -at least in my imagination- that color sure change slightly by his mood,,, so this bad -really bad - mood he has here they become deep oceanic ones due to melancholy and else.... so you amazed me here by your instincts,, i could do this ? i've no idea,,, i just liked the result ... that's all yup this true,,, they're up to something that'll change a lot of things for both of them specifically Bryn, for sure,,, but then you'll know how Sinbad could be affected as well by it yeah i know,, though i don't know them exactly,, but i expect it,, but you know i just posted this little piece from my excitement and for fun,,, so when comes time for real posting and completing the chapter, no way i can do it without correcting these mistakes ,,, so i thought if for fun .. no harm done, right ? Ooh, is .. this .. true ? i mean, seriously you notice this kind of improvement ? though, it's the first thing i wrote since months ago !!!! i'm honored by your words and opinion,, it's for sure very encouraging really ?? that's great !! i didn't expect that you guys will like the idea but you see, sometimes -actually it's what i do most of time- trying to link things from both seasons together and make it reasonable,,, so sometimes i give hints that i -as the author- notice easily but i feared that some of the readers miss it,,, so by this question i'll draw the attention simply to search for it or at least feel it,, and the one who find/get what behind the link/hint would be the winner,,, this isn't present for sure in all chapters, so it won't be frequent ,, ok, but i'm so glad too to find myself this hyper ;D ;D ;D ;D seriously, and that's why i'm trying to use this state and mood of mine to push myself back to writing mood needed your help and as always you've been there for me YESSSSSSSSSSSSS IT'S WONDERFUL i seriously can't express my joy just can't,,, already told you about my uncertainty but of course posting it and the reviews i got and all push me forward,, still i NEVER EVER expect such effect or reaction for -what to say ....- a small simple prologue !!!!!!!!!!!
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Eric/Deamus
Merchant at Sea
"Did you get my flowers?..."
Posts: 1,322
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Post by Eric/Deamus on Apr 4, 2013 12:49:22 GMT -5
MJ,I love the building of suspense, how you make us feel both the trepadation and the resolve. aw, i love suspense, may be that's why i write it a lot of times,, unintentionally but you see it's the type of reading that always attract me so i'm obviously affected by it, however i didn't know i was that good in it that you like it that way,, its building !!! i didn't think about build it,, or how the one can do that,, but i was/am so afraid that at one point the reader lose interest in what i write for so much mystery or being bored,, which makes me again stop at what you just said ' the resolve' .... does it really present here ? well as i said,, yup it's Bryn but also Sinbad,, and again i don't know why you chose Doubar when TiaKisu already picked Sinbad ? i guess the next little paragraph will be easier and obvious ;D ;D i guess you'll know them instantly ;D ;D ;D about the grammar ....... i know there are some fatal mistakes out there  but i really when decided to post it and asked for help or interaction to it, i meant to enjoy and judge it in the first place,,, as i told Doubar,, it's just for fun, and for me other than fun encouraging to see you guys interested in what i wrote even if very little piece like this,,, but the effect -believe me- is enormous when i saw your comments,, so i can't -wasn't intended to- ask for correcting my mistakes,, it's not fair, nor my intention,, however if anyone want to do it i'll be honored,, but in the first place, it's just for fun, and aye all i needed was this poke ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D and actually not the story i was worried about,,, but it's my characters here >>> Eric & Dima that i'm really worried for,,, i planed for them a lot then never start with any of them which depress me Againnnnnnnnnnnn MJ,,,, i'm really really sooooooooooooo happy you took part in this,, helping me and being interest in such micro-creation,,, also your words are stars for me,, thankssssssss sweetheart
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Eric/Deamus
Merchant at Sea
"Did you get my flowers?..."
Posts: 1,322
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Post by Eric/Deamus on Apr 4, 2013 13:05:24 GMT -5
just thought i'd be better to separate this in another post,, i want to adjust one information i mentioned before, it's about the Part 3 title ,,, so when i posted all these later posts and little paragraph i was in uni and haven't my notes that i keep about my plans for the story, so what i remembered was that name, and it wasn't accurate -i knew- so now as i checked on my notes -as i expected- i was not sure between 2 titles, both has same meaning and i decided to let it like that till time come to develop the story and post it so i could choose one of them,, so just to not give you false info,,, the title is/will be one of those : Tale About Us or Story Of Us sorry for being confused last time |
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Post by Doubar on Apr 5, 2013 6:45:42 GMT -5
Yayyyyyy, so I was right. Awesome. ;D Well, of course I had wished it was Doubar in that scene, but dunno... the way you described the male figure... it just fit Sinbad more than Doubar. Also, I guess it helped to know who you ship Bryn with so such an intimate (and in a way that scene is intimate because the two characters understand each other on a level that exceeds mere friendship*) between her and Doubar wouldn't have made much sense. ^^ *exceeds friendship because it's more of a family connection they share Woooohooooooooo. So looking forward to the little surprise. ;D And you're very welcome. It was much fun taking part, and again - I think this to be a fab idea, starting such little games about your story. ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D well that's me, naturally, i have a half demon ;D ;D ;D Haaahahaha, true that! ;D That's what I thought. ^^ Well, I guess that's what happens when you write about the first mate for so long as I do now. I took him over in Jan 2009 which again means I've been tending to that first mate for four years now. Guess you're just bound to develop a feeling for that character then. *pats Doubar's head affectionately ^^* Also I quite like it how Doubar's eyes are paler than Sinbad's. And true enough - most (and I do that, too) describe the captain's eyes as sea-coloured. And I really like the thought that this shade of his eyes changes a bit depending on his mood. Hahaha, yup, obviously you were able to do this. ;D Can't wait to find out what it is they're about to do! No, indeed, no harm done. I only just mentioned them anyway, because you had mentioned them. Yup, it's true. I wouldn't tell you if it wasn't the impression I got. You choice of words is more intricate now, and the grammar and everything is better. And I'm sure you'll improve even further the more you write. Ooooh, I see. How clever of you! ;D I just let me readers wonder, and see if they find out eventually. I'm so mean I know. xD Ooh, I know what you mean. I, too, can remember this awesome feeling of being so hyper about your creation. And you're doing well in just enjoying it. I really hope it'll aid you in writing, and am super happy I could offer a little help. *big, big hugs* You know I'm happy to be there for you, dear. Yeah, that was an awesome surprise wasn't it? I, too, am totally happy you got so many reviews on it. |
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Eric/Deamus
Merchant at Sea
"Did you get my flowers?..."
Posts: 1,322
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Post by Eric/Deamus on May 9, 2013 7:33:36 GMT -5
@doubie, replies are coming later everyone, there are few points want to tell: - well at first, my apologies i didn't post the present i made for Doubar as she won the previous time very sorry, but i really did one and told her about and according to Doubs she liked the idea problem is that it wasn't perfectly done and needed little modifications .. so i was waiting for time i finish the modifications so i can post it here just i hope i'm not consuming your patience,,, i didn't forget, but need little more time to modify it - As i was waiting for this reason, i decided to wait before posting the second fun-little-paragraph .... coz it won't be so nice to continue on the game without publishing the present i promised,, then i realized it may take a little bit more time -sorry - and Doubs knows that, thus i thought i may go on with the game again,,, well if you like it just tell me, ok ? - then, with approaching the updating -yup i guess i'll update sometime soon - i was pondering a bit and then decided to modify the cover pic of the fiction, as i find other actress to represent The Stranger character ,,,, her first pic was only reflecting her posture or how she looks like from distance -how she supposed to- but it wasn't her, thus the new pic is here, i know may be you'd prefer the first, sorry guys, but this is the pic of my character ....... who will appear later on in the coming chapters ... SO HERE IT IS:  hope you'll like The Stranger character when she comes in action ;D as for now i guess i got some quite pictures for her, so cute yet mysterious once she appeared in the fiction i'll post some of them
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Post by Doubar on May 9, 2013 7:50:10 GMT -5
No worries, dear. Take your time. There's no rush. <3 And in the meantime: Awwweeee... I totally LOVE this new pic. She looks GREAT! And now I actually can't wait to see more pics of her!!! She seems like an awesome choice, really! Very well made. Now, concerning your little fun game: ah well, I for one don't mind playing on, but maybe that's because I already saw my present. ;D But really, I can't imagine the others will mind. Each round is a chance after all for them to win a gift, too. ;D |
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Eric/Deamus
Merchant at Sea
"Did you get my flowers?..."
Posts: 1,322
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Post by Eric/Deamus on May 9, 2013 7:53:01 GMT -5
Whoa!! once i took a look at the pic after posting it, an idea invades my mind: i guess some people will compare the Stranger to Maeve!! but please don't, it's not like that,,, it's not a new lady replacing her or whatever!
i know her pic is kinda ......... attractive or very dominant! i wan't planning on it, i wished it just comes like the first pic, with same degree of effect,
here what i want to say: I'M ABSOLUTELY A M/S fan and i'm not giving up on them, promise,
so don't compare between both, and of course Maeve is the first lady in my fiction, just ...... indirectly!
some of you may think it's Maeve .... i got this impression too -and which i like a lot - , but.. let the story tell us about itself,
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Post by Doubar on May 9, 2013 7:57:53 GMT -5
Well, I for one didn't think like that. Although this might be reasoned in my having already read the paragraph in which she first appears, but yeah... Anyway. If you want to make sure your readers don't get confused, just add "Maeve/Sinbad pairing" or something along those lines to the summary of your fic (you know, the lines that appear directly beneath the title on the FFN AoS-section side). |
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Eric/Deamus
Merchant at Sea
"Did you get my flowers?..."
Posts: 1,322
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Post by Eric/Deamus on May 9, 2013 8:01:52 GMT -5
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Eric/Deamus
Merchant at Sea
"Did you get my flowers?..."
Posts: 1,322
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Post by Eric/Deamus on May 9, 2013 8:03:24 GMT -5
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Post by Doubar on May 9, 2013 13:22:34 GMT -5
Aye, I really do adore her. She's a great choice. Hehehe, and right. I suppose it would be better to wait with further pics until you reached the point of her introduction. ;D Heeehehe, but I told ya I could mean as well. You just never believed me. ;D Lol, don't worry though. I don't think Doubar would ever have intentions of joining the baddies. xD Wheee, I'm glad I could be of help. |
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Eric/Deamus
Merchant at Sea
"Did you get my flowers?..."
Posts: 1,322
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Post by Eric/Deamus on May 9, 2013 16:50:04 GMT -5
Aye, I really do adore her. She's a great choice. great though the ideas i got for her character would need little few additions to that -still no sure i'll need them yet- that let me doubt if you'll like them i mean i'm glad you liked this side of her and not sure about other side/s if they exist for sure there will be a moment when her story/past will be told to the crew, then i'll decide finally if i keep all the sides i thought of or only a part of them, the description i gave back in the chap as you notice fit more with this pic, which relieve me to find it, still this description was spontaneous in the moment i wrote it... my plans were different as i always imagined her, even i got a pic for it... then everything changed when i started writing,, and i found myself liking the result very much however a part of me still want the always-pic i drew for her,,,,, i was so confused in the past months about her character, to go for the recent or the old description.............. finally i get an idea to combine both but i'm not sure it'd be acceptable i fear it would sound more imaginary than supposed, so, when the moment comes to her story being revealed..... i guess i'll really be in need of your help to see if it's acceptable but it's early for it now, i guess and i'm sure those pic i found will just make the readers love her more they appear she is very cute yet mysterious hahahaaaaaa, well, him not having these intentions is definitely a relief .... we don't want to break the other crew members hearts after all |
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- but it's Sinbad as TiaKisu guessed which amazed me how her feeling for Doubar is so deep so she could feel it wasn't him 
