MJ's place to boogie

[Doubar]

Wow, your muse is so prolific these days. I will read it as soon as I can.

@firouz: Wow, awesome link! Thanx for sharing it!

[MJ]

@doubs, I know you will dear, just do it at a time where you wont mind feeling a little sad...

Oh! Look! My rank's changed! I'm a landlubber no longer. Awesome! ;D Yup, I'm easy to please

[Firouz]

Glad you liked it Doubar!

MJ, yea, it was sad....

[Eric/Deamus]

MJ you posted a new one YAAAAYYYYY oh, i wish i can read it now,, but i have to wait 3 days more till i get out of quizzes but it's good news that after studying these days i'll find a beautiful story waiting me at FFN

and the one you did with Doubs too

[MJ]

So here's another little one-shot. It's quite vague and descriptive as I wanted to try on TK's shoes for a moment and convey emotion without words. This might make it into Flotsam at some point, but for now it feels a little too raw, so I am just sharing it here, because this feels safer somehow.

A love story.

Her absence lay on him like a heavy weight upon his heart. He had kept a careful distance from her when she had been near, recognising the potential of completion and therefor the potential of it being torn from him. Yet when she had been taken there was no relief. He mourned the loss of the potential, cursed his fear. She had been fire and fear, as he had been water and fear. They completed each other, aggravated each other, distanced each other even as they shared their truths. They had needed the fear to be brave. And they needed to be brave to face life after what it had done to them.

So they didn’t connect, because when they got close the fire and the water cancelled each other out and there was nothing left but the naked fear and they shied away from letting that raw, exposed tendon be touched. It hurt too much.

The first year of her absence he spent dwelling on the manner of her departure. Seeing her go overboard, unable to find her in the black cold of the water, unable to find her on the warm, bright beach invoked too many memories of those gone before, torn from him before. So he turned to anger. Had he not always been a good sort of person? Had he not always tried his best? He railed against that what was in him and all around him- the water. He deserved life and it was giving him death.

At the end of the first year of her absence he learned to see what had been there all along: the water carried him, nourished him and cleansed his heart. So he let go of his anger.

He had been unprepared for the grief that was to follow. The true sorrow he felt when he thought of her and his inability to connect. Finally recognising that the fire and water would not cancel each other out but transform into a greater force, one that would bind them together no matter how far they might be from each other, a force that would soothe their fears.

The second year of her absence he spent missing her, looking at the faces of others, trying to find a way to connect with them as he wanted to with her. But no one fit, there was no completion, no transformation so he stopped looking and resigned himself to waiting.

At the end of the second year a sharp cry heralded her return. The bird twisted and turned on the deck until he was the brother he had always been. He knew that the wait was soon to be at an end.

Those last days of waiting seemed unbearable. Like walking through a parched desert knowing any minute now there would be an oasis. And there was the worry; he was keenly aware of his own transformation, what would she be like now? Would they even still fit? Had he been waiting for something that didn’t exist anymore?

She appeared and he kept his distance, sending probing looks and questioning tendrils of words, trying to get the measure of her. Too busy trying to see her new outline to notice that she was doing the same to him. Until he finally saw that he was doing the same thing he had been doing years ago: stalling for time. He knew there was no time, that there was only now, so he took the plunge.

[Firouz]

I LOVE how your first attempt is working wonderfully!

It definitely shows he's progression of his heart and soul and beliefs!

[Doubar]

Wow, MJ, this is awesome!!! O.O I totally love it!!!! I adore it when there's so much depth to things, when a fic/let bears much more underneath the surface... There's a reason to why I write the way I do - and I can see this that I try to realize with my fics, this that moves me so much be present in this little shot, too.

It's indeed a great first attempt! Better than my own one has been so many years ago. Simply awesome!!!

Oh, and the shift is great indeed. Really adore that, too.

[MJ]

Thanks gals, I was feeling pretty insecure about this one. Your support means the world

One image i really wanted in there is one where, without Maeve, it's like Sinbad is walking through a desert- because without her he lacks himself and that without him, she is walking through a blizzard. And I got a little bit of the desert in, but it felt shoehorned, forced...

At the end I want to give a sense of... that by being together they give themselves permission to be great, that they are more than the sum of their parts because they feel that if (s)he loves me, I must be great, and only then proceed to find and unveil the true greatness within.

But I'm not there yet...

Another thing I was trying to accomplish with the wording is a lot of water references in Sinbad's thought process, like the 'plunge' etc, but I'm not really happy with the number of those, I'd like to put more in without stemming the flow of the words themselves...

What I did like was the physicality of the pain descriptions. Like he doesn't quite know how to feel emotional pain, so he translates it to physical pain just so he can understand it himself.

What do you think?

[Doubar]

I'll give it another read soon, and then I'll try and give you advice on what you asked / am not sure about. <3

[MJ]

Doubs's review for The Void:

Aw, now that was a sad story!

It is really depressing to think of DimDim like that - to know that he asked Maeve to sacrifice herself, even though it's rather obvious he didn't mean ill with it. Most likely he was sure to find a way to break her free, thought maybe that together with Caipra he could undo the spell. So to see that he couldn't, that in fact he kind of lost his mind and regressed into a child-like state... that's really tough.

But it's actually even worse to imagine what Caipra must have been going through. Knowing the woman she no-doubt loves like a child risks her own life in DimDim's stead, and then being confronted with a man who doesn't even know to tell his pupils from their late father anymore. And then Sinbad comes back and asks of her the unthinkable.

You have created a story here that's almost bursting with agony, and although at some points I think the inner conflict/s and pain the characters are experiencing could have been given more space, you conveyed all their emotions and the struggle they each go through.

The descriptions you used are very well chosen, and I especially like this very first scene in which Sinbad and Maeve meet in that ghostly environment. The Celt seems truly detached from the world and her not daring - or, in a way, not caring even - to meet Sinbad's gaze is a very meaningful gesture.

Somehow I wished though that they would have found a way in the end, but we don't always get what we want I suppose. There just cannot always be a happy ending to things, and thus the ending you created here feels bitter in a way. Because it lets the one couple find hope where the other loses it for good.

All in all this is a very creative fiction, and a very unique story line. You certainly have a way of inventing new and intriguing plots!

Thanx, as always, for sharing! TK

Thank you TK, for that lovely review. It's kinda funny that my weakest points: letting a story breathe, giving it space, fleshing it out are your strongest and (I think ) vice versa. I think we can learn a lot from each other. Because you're absolutely right about me having to give the characters more space to feel the gut-wrenching agony. I guess I am a fairly impatient person, sketching the story with broad strokes until I figure the readers gets what I'm trying to say so I can move on.

As for the invention of the plot... I volunteered to help some people with dementia, those in the first stages, who got a little more confused every day and seeing how it scared the hell out of them but also the hopelessness of the people around them, because there was nothing they could do, no matter how much they wanted to, no matter how much that person was still needed in their lives. Let's just say it made an impression.
As for the void itself... hasn't everyone felt like that at some point? That feeling of being sucked dry of all your energy, all your colour and joy? Where you can't see a way out anymore, at least not without any help? So yeah, the void is basically a depression made manifest.
And about the end... I couldn't find a way to be true to the story and still have a happy end. I searched, believe me, because I didn't want to do that to poor Dim-Dim and Caipra and all the others... I even considered Bryn being the key to it all, if only as a vat of magic from which Caipra could tap, but if Dim-Dim and Caipra together weren't strong enough, Bryn and Caipra wouldn't be strong enough either. So in the end it was the only thing that fit, though I prefer not to think of poor old Dim-Dim alone in that damn void, confused and frightened, looking for a way home but not remembering where home even is.

So I won't be re-reading this, probably ever. Thank you for reading though, your comments are much apreciated.

[Doubar]

You know what? I was thinking that, too - that your weakest points are my strongest ones and vice versa. And that yes, we can learn a whole lot from each other in that regard.

I guess I am a fairly impatient person, sketching the story with broad strokes until I figure the readers gets what I'm trying to say so I can move on.

I know exactly what you mean, because I, too, am often impatient and am thus sometimes tempted to just get it done and over with. >.>

As for the plot and how you came up with this: wow, really? My respect for you then, dear! Dementia is an awful disease. It's so painful to see those people wither, and see their close ones lose their relative slowly but surely. What remains is an empty shell and at its best that one will be calm and friendly and living in their own world; and at its worst they will be vicious (though I'm aware that if they are then the reason is mostly because they're frightened and confused).

As for the void itself... hasn't everyone felt like that at some point? That feeling of being sucked dry of all your energy, all your colour and joy? Where you can't see a way out anymore, at least not without any help? So yeah, the void is basically a depression made manifest.

Aw, now that's very true. And you really did very well with it!

Last but not least as for the end: Indeed it seems near to impossible to solve this. If DimDim and Caipra couldn't find a way, then how could two apprentices make a change? And as sad and depressing as this ending is, I still bow to you for writing it. There's only few AoS authors out there who dare and delve into themes as you do, so yeah... maybe "The Void" is not the kind of story you want to read and reread again and again, but it's definitely a story that leaves an impression and that is worth the read!

Thank you for reading though, your comments are much apreciated.

You're most welcome, dear.

[MJ]

So I sat down tonight and started writing. I forgot to make dinner, too engrossed with writing, so I munched on some peanuts. Forgot to drink too. Now I'm de-hydrated and will probably die from all the blood-clots I got from sitting still too long But I got you gals another story.
It's not so much a dark story as it is a foreboding story. Because we all know where this will end, suspicions getting affirmed and re-affirmed as the story progresses. I wanted to stop it, I wanted to twist it around so it was another day, any other day then this, but the story was a cruel mistress and she would not let me.

Here are some warnings: In about 90% of the story Maeve and Sinbad are completely naked. Surprisingly little funny-business takes place though, some groping, some kissing, lots of leering.

But mostly it is a story about connecting, about two people trying to see how they fit together and then about them being torn apart. *sigh*

Here's the link for The Last Night:
www.fanfiction.net/s/9216820/1/The-Last-Night

[Doubar]

Whoaaaa... the list of stories I have to catch up on is ever growing. And here I had thought I had shortened it considerably today (did a bit of reading today). xD

Will give it a read as soon as I can.

---

So... turns out I didn't wait till tomorrow but stopped by right away. And... seriously, MJ. That was fabulous! Imho, your writing has moved to a whole different level with this! Your descriptions were awesome and brilliantly measured. Not too much, not too little (I'm saying that because of the whole improvement thing). There was a great flow to the story and... even at the risk of flattering you... but that's actually where I'd love to get to once as well. I seriously admire poeple with such a style. It's very focused but at the same time also very descriptive and thus it allows the reader to really enter the story, if you know what I mean.

Everything else, I already mentioned in the review over at FFN. Really, this one's fabulous. Well done, dear!!

[MJ]

Tk's review on FFN:

Wow, this was... just amazing! I would even say your best story so far!

Yay!

Great flow, great idea, awesome descriptions. Everything was vivid and so easy to picture. Their voices were spot-on and the first half of this shot just brilliantly cozy and warm and many other nice words that I cannot think of at the moment.

If I buy you a thesaurus, will you go on?

To add this odd sense of threat that both of them feel, and to make this be the few moments before S2 starts... that's fabulous. I really love how you explain just why Sinbad was suddenly wearing this pirate-like outfit, and to make it be a gift of Talya's... what a great idea there!

I couldn't think of anyone else who would try to dress Sinbad in ass-hugging trousers

Also, I love how you mix romance, humour and angst so well and seemingly effortlessly.

As you well know, it might seem effortless but effort is being made. But I guess it's how I live my own life, full of humour and angst Now if I could just get the romance as well I'd be good.

"Yup, he imagined Doubar in her place right then and it had the desired effect: the tent was completely gone. " really cracked me up. Just because of the mental image it gives me... Yeah, in a way it's disturbing but I cannot help but laugh at the facial expressions I would imagine them to wear. xD

Me too! And that's why I couldn't think of anything for Maeve to say because literally everything i thought of just made it worse!

Anyway. So is there anything else I wanted to say? Probably yes, but even if so it would only be good things to tell. Seriously, there's nothing worth of criticism in this, not in my eyes anyway. A truly fab work, MJ. You can be proud of your muse!

Thanx for sharing! TK

Awww, thank you. I am very bad at taking compliments (hehe, see the collab thread) about myself, but compliments about my stories I am good with.

So... turns out I didn't wait till tomorrow but stopped by right away. And... seriously, MJ. That was fabulous! Imho, your writing has moved to a whole different level with this! Your descriptions were awesome and brilliantly measured. Not too much, not too little (I'm saying that because of the whole improvement thing). There was a great flow to the story and... even at the risk of flattering you... but that's actually where I'd love to get to once as well. I seriously admire poeple with such a style. It's very focused but at the same time also very descriptive and thus it allows the reader to really enter the story, if you know what I mean.

But you DO get there, you DO do it yourself. Not all the time, not with everything you write, but then, neither do I. This was more fluke than an indication of where I am right now. As I said above, this was written in one go, in a haze of muse-fudge, which means I will like it no matter what when it's done, and then later, when I read it back will either still like it or will see the obvious flaws.
The one thing I regret about this one is that I have given no indication to the audience if this was a first-time thing or an established relationship or what. I simply didn't think of that at the time.

So don't be so hard on yourself, ya hear. Or I really will start listing all the ways in which you're awesome.

[MJ]

I noticed my name dropped waaay to low on the FFN site, so I wrote a little ficlet to put in my Flotsam folder. That or Firouz (the character) kept poking me until I explained the Nomad's 'bigger on the inside' issue.

Link!
www.fanfiction.net/s/9093331/5/