Doubts and fears

[19101989]

Bryn stretched her shaky hands and took the glass from the old woman. she heard her apologizing for providing her just water. Ah......what if she just know how this glass of water meant life to her. she didn't drink anything since she left the tavern. her throat was drier than the desert itself. she eyed "caipra" a silent thankful glance before drinking the full glass.she gave the old woman the cup back and let her eyes scanning the place she was in. she heard caipra asking her. she returns her gaze to settle on the old woman merely looking at her for a second trying to figure out what she was talking about.
"I faint" the word echoed in her mind."what else can make my situation worse". she took a deep breath which hurts her a little before answering ,"Better, thank you". she reached for a dark lock of her hair and put it behind her ear before continuing with a shy faint smile" Sorry. i don't know how weak I'm to faint so easily like that from..................... a long walk."

[Caipra]

Caipra took the cup and put it on the bedside table.
*From a long walk.* Bryn didn't seem to want to tell more. Yet, the wise sorceress couldn't ignore what she felt earlier. She tried not to rush her but she wanted Bryn to trust her and tell her what happened during her...long walk. .
"Bryn...there's some things you can't hide from me. I know that you used magic. And I'm very worried because you know what I told you about the law against the magic. It could be dangerous, mostly if someone saw you." She stopped a second and then added, getting closer to the young girl "I know you don't really know me, but I need you to trust me on this way. So please, tell me what happened."

[19101989]

A look of absolute shock clouds Bryn's eyes and face. she felt a volcano of confusion and fear erupts in the core of her soul. and all her muscles tensed. *then she knew** then it was magic, her magic, that caused all of this havoc* she thought unconsciously . *and what i was telling you silly*. she winced for the fourth time in this night. she heard this dark voice again echoed inside her mind in such a dreadful sarcasm.

Bryn Looked at her shaky hands trying to ease this horrible headache.* but if Caipra Knows that she used Magic then what else she knew and ..................what about the others?* Bryn thought desperately. she raised her head and looked again at the old woman. but this time it was a different look. a look that means that they have to play with open cards. Bryn passed her fingers along her tresses nervously and said with a little harsh tone "Then you know.................But how? even me can't remember "

[Caipra]

Caipra should have known it. Whatever happened to Bryn that evening, this was probably such a shock that she unconsciously wanted to forget it. But if it were to recur, if she should ever reuse this powerful magic buried in her, then she should be aware of it.
Caipra tried to explain what had happened, from her point of view.
"You were gone for a while now, and I began to worry. The streets of Basra are not very safe at night. And then I felt danger. I heard screams, frightened people and then...I suddenly felt this powerful magic. This kind of thing doesn't escape me. And to my knowledge, you are the only other magician in the vicinity, apart from me. I warned the others that something was wrong and we were going to join you when we saw you on the doorstep, just before you fainted. "
Caipra paused, then thought fit to add, to reassure the girl.
"Your friends are not aware that you had recourse to magic. I have just warned them of a danger, that's all. And I would tell them nothing if you don't want."

[19101989]

Bryn looked at Caipra directly in the eye. she wanted to know if she could really trust the old woman and tell her what she had faced. she wanted to ask so many questions and wanted to hear so many answers. . she wanted to know what was wrong with her and the old woman seemed to know a lot.but she was afraid at the same time from knowledge. Caipra said she won't tell the others.but was that enough for her to pull out her secrets to a woman seemed to hide more knowledge than she allows to appear?

*I have to tell her , i have to know what is really wrong with me* Bryn thought desperately while looking again at her hands. *But first........* she paused . "Caipra...........you have to promise me....Promise me that No one will know any thing about what I'm going to tell..............Promise me!" she pleaded while stretching her hands to Caipra asking her to make a promise...Bryn decided to tell the old sorceress. she wanted someone to share her painful secret with.....or she will lose her mind soon!

[Caipra]

When Caipra saw Bryn's eyes, she could already feel the mountains of questions the young girl had in her mind. And she was expecting the old sorceress to give her all the answers. Of course, Caipra was ready to give her as most answers as she could, but she also knew that there were some other things that she should keep for herself for now. The young sorceress wouldn't bear more. Besides.......She raised her eyes toward Dermott who, even if he remained silent, was still here, listening everything......

When Caipra heard Bryn's words, she interiorly smiled...If she only knew...The wise sorceress was already hiding so much things to the crew. She even was surprised that they were not more curious after all she said when they were in her house. She started thinking about what she was going to tell them when she would go back downstairs. But she quickly forgot about that. She could deal with that later. For now, she had to show Bryn that she was right to trust her, and that she would do everything to help her.
"My dear...I promise you, that everything that will be told here, will stay here. The decision of talking about this to the others is all yours." She said calmly, smiling and taking Bryn's hand.

[19101989]

After hearing the old Sorceress's words,Bryn breathed in relief. she pulled her hands quietly out from Caipra's grasp. then she stayed silent for a moment trying to organize her overthrown thoughts. she took another deep breath to calm down her nervous before she said "actually , I don't remember too much, all what i knew for sure is that after getting out from the tavern to wander around the city, i lost in my thoughts and then ................................". Bryn continued telling Caipra what she faced . with each word coming out from her mouth , she was feeling more comfortable for spelling this matter out of her chest. she told Caipra about getting lost in the big city, about seeing the little boy and after that seeing the gang. then she told her about her decision to follow them and her attempt to save the little boy. "Then i saw the gang's leader was about to dig his dagger in the little boy's heart......-she paused to take another deep breath as her uneasiness began to return and overwhelm her again-..i felt great panic and anger.....I.....I shouted and then...........". she paused for another moment and an expression of perplexity and confusion clouds her face. "and then..............." she repeated with more puzzling tone. *then what?* ...she thought.

she was squeezing her mind to remember what happened in this exact moment. she wanted to know what caused this scary look she saw in the faces of both The gang leader and the young boy. she focused more. her eyebrows meet vigorously. she was trying to penetrate this wall of darkness that hindered her from knowing what really happened..... suddenly quick flash of memories hit her mind without warning. she felt her self drown in abstraction .

she wasn't aware of her eyes starting to glow light red, while images of a man being hit by a magical ball began to appear on her mind. .the images were so blurry. she couldn't see much. but the thing that she couldn't mistake , was the look of full horror carving it's features over the two men' faces. she began to murmur some words unconsciously, very slowly and with inaudible voice. Finally the images disappeared and she winced violently before shutting her eyes strongly . she put her hands over her head, pressing her fingers over her skull to ease the merciless headache..she opened her eyes which gained it's normal color again and looked at Caipra who had a strange look over her face before resuming "and then I don't remember any thing but darkness................................................"

[Caipra]

Caipra listened carefully while the young sorceress told her what happened in the streets of Basra. She felt her hesitations, her fears, but she never interrupted her. Even when she stopped talking, trying to remember what happened after she shouted over the gang.
Caipra thought about what Bryn just said. *She felt great panic and anger......*, two feelings that could be very dangerous coming from a sorceress, especially when that person didn't have the complete control of his powers. And if Bryn had had freed her magic? if under the anger and panic, she did something terribly wrong? And if the gang..............
The old sorceress suddenly saw Bryn's eyes turning red. No matter what she was picturing in her mind, it was awaking her magic, And there was nothing Caipra could do to stop it. Even if the window was closed, a cold wind filled the room while the young girl put her hands over her head. And then...nothing else. Everything became calm again. Caipra was still watching Bryn, her eyes wide open, when the young sorceress opened her eyes and finished her story.
She didn't seem to realize what had just happened in that room. She was just...frightened by what she remembered.
Caipra didn't know what to answer to that. She didn't want to scare her. but she had to be honest.
"Bryn, listen to me." She tried to find the good words to say. "You have a great power inside you, even if you're not aware of it. And...sometimes, fear or anger can make you do things that you would never wish to do. So......Whatever happened there tonight, this is not your fault."
How proving to a frightened girl that a bad act didn't made her a bad person? said Caipra to herself. Because that's what Bryn must be thinking about right now...The wise sorceress tried to explain Bryn, what was happening to her.
"It seems that until now, your magic was...sleeping inside you. But now that it's awake, you'll have to learn to control it. And you can't do it by yourself. I think you didn't came to Basra for nothing. Everything happens for a good reason." She said with a little smile.

[19101989]

Bryn took a deep breath and listened to the words coming out of the old sorceress's mouth with full attention.

when she heard Caipra talk about her magic, her muscles tensed. *then all my fears were true.* * the magic was the reason*she thought , still fixing her brown eyes on the face of the old woman.

when she heard Caipra says that she should learn how to control her magic, a question jumped to her tongue before even thinking about it "how...can i do this ?".

she closed her eyes before continuing " how can i control my magic although i don't know why i posses it in the first place". Bryn opened her eyes and looked at her hands so that Caipra wouldn't see the tears that began to shimmer in the velvet eyes of the young sorceress. she gulped the taste of tears before saying "how can i control something i don't know whether it's good or evil" . she raised her face and looked at Caipra again before saying while pressing her teeth on each word she pronounced. " how can i control something that may will end with me trying to harm the closest and most important people to my heart?!!"

[Caipra]

Caipra decided deliberately to ignore her question about the origin of her magic. The old sorceress could clearly see that Bryn was afraid. Just like she was...many years ago.
"First lesson." she said taking Bryn's hand, making sure she was listening. "Magic is not good or evil. It's the person who uses it who decides on what side he is. I can teach you how to control that power. But I can't decide in your place what you want to do with it." She put Bryn's hand on her heart before adding. " If you believe in yourself, If you know that you're using your magic only for good, then you'll be able to protect the ones you love."

Caipra haven't said those words since many years. She looked into the sorceress's eyes and remembered that day, when she and her husband have found Bryn, a little amnesic and scared girl. She barely remembered her name, and she was afraid of her magic growing inside her. DimDim had teached her to control it, and the young sorceress had regained confidence in herself day after day, year after year. Until the day she disappeared.... And here she was, as scared as that first time she met her. Caipra had never lost hope in that girl, she wanted to believe that she would never become like her sister...That's why it was better that she knows nothing about her true origins, for now.

[19101989]

Bryn felt a wave of tenderness and comfort flows through her veins for the first time during this strange night , when Caipra held her hand and put it on her chest near her heart. she felt a sense of familiarity about all of this. as if it was a distant dream she can't remember a glimpse of ,but she can recall its feelings and emotions.
by hearing those words and looking deep through those knowing and understanding eyes, she felt a faint feeling of reassurance fights to take place through all those struggling feelings and emotions piling up through her soul. *Magic is not good or evil. It's the person who uses it who decides on what side he is*. she heard herself repeat silently what she heard already from the old woman. but she quickly remembered what she already did in the street and the look of horror inside the young boy's eyes. she rubbed her forehead while saying with a little shaky voice "you weren't there and saw that look on the boy's face. i was supposed to help him but instead of that i made him afraid to death". she erased a small drop of tear before saying "how can i control it while I'm afraid of it?".she put her hand over her chest before continuing "afraid from myself!"

[Caipra]

It was not easy to convince the young sorceress. Caipra could still feel the tons of doubts and fears inside her. But she would never despair.
"What happened there, was an accident Bryn. Even I can make some mistakes sometimes, but you have to go through this and never stop believing in yourself. Don't be afraid of who you are, but think about all the good things you can do with this gift you have."
Caipra looked around herself, looking for something. She found what she was looking for on the bedside table. There was in a flowerpot, a rose which was almost wilted. The wise sorceress pass her hand over the flower and in a second, the red rose regained all her beauty. She turned back to Bryn and said with a smile "Every magic can bring life and hope on this world, including yours. So tell me......do you want to bring life......or death in this world?"

[19101989]

Bryn listened carefully to the sorceress's words. absorbing with all her consciousness their meanings. she realized for the first time that she needed these words. she needed to feel encouraged. she needed someone to believe in her and to push assurance to her tired soul.she looked at the wise lady and rose her eyebrows a little with understanding.for the first time she felt the wall of ice built automatically between her and Caipra and was supported with Doubts, with anxiety;weakened. and for the first time she let her feeling contact with the wise woman's without hesitancy. she let her soul penetrate into the kind lady's wise soul .she felt her self calm down.. a faint light began to glisten scattering the darkness she was afraid of.

she followed the sorceress's movement with her sight,trying to figure out what she want her to learn. then when she found the rose came back to life, filling the air with it's beautiful scent, Bryn let a hesitant but true and satisfied smile play on her lips. she sensed the light inside her grow more and her heart this time talked.

it talked by recalling all the memories she shared with her family. the family she loved and felt secure with. she didn't care about her past now. she cared most about the people who made her let out her first and true smile. the people who taught her how to feel and cherish the love of life.The Nomads were all her life and she would sacrifice her own soul to protect them. even from herself.

she stretched her left hand and took the rose from caipra. she scrutinized it for a moment and her smile became wider. then she passed her hand over a small still closed rose connected to the bigger one . the small rose blossomed. Bryn lifted her eyes to meet the wise lady's knowing ones. but this time without fear. she said "I want to bring Love, happiness and life*, then she stretched her right hand to Caipra and said with a beautiful smile"will you help me?!"

[Caipra]

Caipra saw Bryn's face change. Until now, she was pale sad and sometimes some tears glistened on her cheek. But when she took the rose, a timid smile appeared on her lips. The old sorceress followed the movements of Bryn's hand and when the little rose blossomed, she faced Bryn with a wide smile.
Finally the young girl had understood her message and made her choice. Bryn's face was more alive, but Caipra could also feel that her soul seemed in peace too. Her fears seemed to have disappeared for a while, and Caipra was glad to see that.
When the young sorceress raised her hand over her and asked for help, she took it and laughed. "Of course dear! You don't have to be worry about that, I'll be here everytime you'll need help."
She rose up, still holding Bryn's hand.
"But you'll have to be patient, you can't learn everything in one day. But we'll talk about this later, you had enough emotions for today. For now, you should get some sleep, you need to rest. I'll go downstairs and tell the others that you're fine, okay? They must be waiting impatiently for some news!"

[19101989]

when Bryn heard Caipra's reply, she sighed in relief. her eyes smiled gratefully to the old sorceress before her lips did the same. when she heard Caipra mention sleep, she began to realize -for the first time-how much tired she really was. she fought sleep hard at the beginning, fearing from what dreadful nightmares could hunt her. but after the reassurance words she heard from Caipra, she felt the desire of sleep playing with her lashes.it made them heavier than mountains.

she made herself more comfortable on the bed;laying her head on the soft pillow.she welcomed the soft slumber that began to invade her senses and made her relax more.she eyed the wise woman a thank you look, before letting her tongue whisper the word. as soon as she closed her eyes, she drown in a peaceful sleep.