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Post by Doubar on Feb 25, 2009 16:57:07 GMT -5
At his brother's words Doubar couldn't help but wince a little. It was an accusation. An accusation of what Sinbad had not wanted to take place. And maybe he was right, Doubar thought for a moment. Maybe he had done wrong with trying to protect him. Maybe he should have gone, set his head straight and tell him about who he had become.
But no. He saw those eyes. And he knew, even if Sinbad might now be angry at him for doing what he had, he wouldn't regret anything. He knew something that Sinbad still fought to understand: You can't blame someone for loving. And you can't blame them for mourning. Sinbad had mourned and how he had reacted was his way to deal with what had happened. It would have been no use to talk to him about that. Not as long as he, to himself, had not admitted what he really felt inside.
Now, however things were different. Their mother's influence and Scratch's trap had set something into motion no talk during the last year could ever have done. It was ironic, really, that something that had been meant to doom his brother's soul seemingly turned out to now save it from where it had been turning to.
"I will." It was a simple promise. And given the new circumstances, Doubar knew he would keep it. Sinbad was changing. He knew. A process was going on. Doubar saw it in his eyes, in his manners. Sinbad was living through something the first mate could not even capture in it's whole dimension, but he knew that it had already influenced his little brother - just enough to enable Doubar promising what he now did.
After a short pause, in which Doubar had been simply holding the younger man's gaze, the first mate let his hand sink again and on his face a more serious look took place. "I know I can't keep everythig away from you, Sinbad", he finally admitted what deep inside he already knew. "But that won't stop me from watching over you."
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Post by Sinbad on Feb 25, 2009 17:57:32 GMT -5
Sinbad´s lips curled into the faintest, onesided smirk, barely visible and more to be noticed indirectly. "I know." he said, still not breaking the eye contact, but looking at his brother for another moment, before her turned, leaning his back against the railing now, to gaze across the deck. "I owe you a lot, Doubar. I wouldn´t be here without you." Sinbad did not remember his parents, Doubar had always been their sustiute and he had been okay with this. He knew that even though he could very well fend for himself- or maybe not? He had proven what could happen when he just followed his own ways and it had lead nowere good - Doubar would always watch him with the eye of an older brother, protecting the younger one. It didn´t matter he was the captain of his ship, they still remaned brothers.
His featuers relaxed a bit when he tried to focus on this thougt. His mind was circling around group of matters that were difficult to avoid: his own failure, Maeve, how to deal with it,... and then everything starting anew. Over and over again. It was painful and he didn´t like it and part of him reacted in a manner of trying to shut these thoughts away as he had usually done. It was small voice of warning that kept him from doing hat, telling him hat this was not the way to do things, but just the wrong way. It made him shy away from something that had become a habit and forced him to cope with thoughts that were uncomfortable. An uneasy process.
It was probably best to look ahead. Accept those things, accept these thoughts and everything that had happened and move on. See the good side like the simply joy of wind billowing the sails and the salty air carrying the scent of adventure. But it wasn´t as easy as he would have wished it to be.
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Post by Doubar on Feb 26, 2009 4:49:30 GMT -5
A sight smile formed on the first mate's face. He, as well as his little brother, knew that their relationship was a constant in both their lifes. When Doubar so many years ago had lost almost all he had known, he had felt like life itself had been taken from him. He had felt lost and scared, not knowing where to go nor what to do. And he knew it wasn't only Sinbad who had reason to be thankful, but also Doubar himself. The old man had never told the younger one, but the first mate owed the little one just as much. Sinbad had brought a meaning to his life. A quest that helped him deal with what had happened. And when nowadays Doubar looked upon his little brother, he -no matter what had happened last year - couldn't help but feel proud of him.
Noticing the thoughtfullness his little brother again had skipped into, Doubar shiftet on his spot, making himself more comfortable by leaning a bit more on the reeling and letting his gaze wander around.
"And so wouldn't I without you", he after a short moment of silence calmly stated. Then after taking another deep breath of sea-flavoured air he added: "We have lived through many hard times, Sinbad. I know, you'll find your way."
There were only few occasions in which Doubar was that serious, he knew, but now he felt was one of those when he had to be.
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Post by Sinbad on Feb 26, 2009 12:26:57 GMT -5
The smirk changed a bit, away from looking half bitter / half ironic like it had a moment ago into something that looked more honest - and that bore just faint trace of his old, boyish smile. Like so many things, this attitude was only resurfacing slowly and he wondered what sort of person he would become in times to be. Going back to where things had started sounded alluring, but he wasn´t sure if it was possibl. Especially since ´where it all started´ had a strong connotation of being in someone else´s company.
This conversaton had taken turns which had stirred the young captain as close towards those topics he had avoided all the time as it would get for now. He might losen up about it in the future but not now that he was only beginning to deal with things and most of it went without words between the two brothers anyways. Not at least because of that, he was really grateful to have Doubar with him.
"Now listen to us, big brother." he said. "musing about our lives like we were old men already." There was a trace of humour in his voice, a trace of his earlier youthful carelessness. Just a trace - yet.
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Post by Doubar on Feb 26, 2009 14:59:55 GMT -5
Doubar let a chuckle escape his throat.
"Well, I am old", he replied, stressing the third word and making sure the slight grin that formed on his lips was being heard in them.
It was strange he thought, how a chat with his brother could change colours so abruptly. Only moments before the two of them, with words most likely only they really knew how to interpret, had confessed things that run deep. They had laughed, edged a discomfort that only very randomly spread between them; talked about things that for long had been left unspoken - and now right from the seriousness of their talk had skipped into a certain easiness again ... even though that might only be for some moments.
For someone who didn't know the two those swift changes might have been confusing, but for Doubar they were a natural way of talking with Sinbad. He was well aware of the lighter tone which had added to the younger one's words and to him it felt only natural to react to that.
"And besides", he added after a short while - his earlier grin now turning into a more serious smile, "from time to time we all need to have such musing - no matter how old we are."
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Post by Sinbad on Feb 28, 2009 6:10:43 GMT -5
Sinbad chuckled and had meant to reply something humourous. Doubar was a few years his senior, but not anywhere near old.
It felt good to know that the other man understood him - maybe better than he understood himself, because that meant there didn´t have to be any lengthy or awkward explanation. Doubar, and Sinbad was certain of that, had understood what this was all about and he had understood all the turns this conversation had taken, picking up on them like only someone can who knows the other inside out. It spared Sinbad having to talk about everything,because words were not necessary.
He nodded, referring to the last words. "Right." he said. "uneasy as this musing is now and then."
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Post by Doubar on Mar 2, 2009 11:45:42 GMT -5
Doubar weighed his head in agreement to the younger man's words. He knew that it was painfull for Sinbad to talk or even think about what went on deep inside of him. And somehow Doubar wished he could spare him this pain. But this wasn't anything he could decide on. This was life and the first mate had enough faith in his little brother to know he would get past this, finding his way like he always had...
A few more moments Doubar kept standing at the prow with his brother. None of them was speaking - both simply let their gazes wander around, watching the buss of activity on deck the Nomad. It was a peaceful silence that settled between the brothers and for some time neither of them bothered to end it.
Straightening his back a little, Doubar finally turned to Sinbad once more. Laying a calm hand on his right shoulder he softly spoke: "I think I'm gonna go and find myself something to eat, little brother."
He knew he with this was ending the talk they had, but knowing his brother well enough, he was sure the young one wouldn't mind it. Sinbad knew he could always come and talk with Doubar. After all, that was what brothers where there for. Still, he waited a moment before strolling off, making sure Sinbad really was okay with his leaving.
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Post by Sinbad on Mar 3, 2009 1:59:50 GMT -5
SInbad silently nodded in agreement. Even though he had not really opened up, it had been enough to bring back a sort of inner balance - at least for the moment. The fact that he was feeling kind of bad against Bryn for being a bit harsh with her unintendedly... well, he would deal with that at some later point. By the looks of it she had gone below to help Firouz and he would leave them at peace now.
"You do that, big brother." he said, knowing that he was giving his permission for the conversation to be ended and knowing as well that his brother had indicated for something like this. He felt grateful.
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