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Post by Doubar on Nov 23, 2009 14:35:00 GMT -5
alex and Caipra: Aye, in fact I would think it to be even more logic when Caipra talks to Bryn instead of Sinbad talking to the brunette. But that is up to you three to decide. And: adjusted my post, too. So the play can go on now! ;D
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Post by Sinbad on Nov 23, 2009 14:39:03 GMT -5
Yup, that might be more logical, but I see the predicament in that since towards Bryn, Caipra can´t really reveal much. Caipra: Yup, sounds good to me, with the sensing trouble and that.
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Post by 19101989 on Nov 23, 2009 14:40:38 GMT -5
great! caipra can try to talk to Bryn a little about what had happened and of course the fear growing inside Bryn will make her not revealing every thing but she will ask the sorceress for advice then the convo can be with caipra and Aye i liked that caipra can sense the dark side but is not that will make caipra feel the threat of Bryn,s dark powers and try to tell sinbad or what ??
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Post by Doubar on Nov 23, 2009 14:41:14 GMT -5
@sinbad: I know she can't reveal much. But then again, wise people tend to speak in riddles anyway. So Caipra could still aid some advise without revealing the background. But just like I said: who in the end will be talking to her is up to you, Bryn and Caipra. Oh, and sent you pm. alex: Nah, not necessarily. I would assume Caipra feels the darkness awaken in Bryn but isn't sure about where it will really lead her to. She could give the captain/crew a cryptic hint as in: take care of her or something. Plus, I guess Caipra is well aware that the revelation of Bryn's past will shake the crew to the core and she would most likely try to avoid that (just a guess of course). All in all I wouldn't think Caipra has to tell Sinbad about anything.
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Caipra
Boatswain
"Stop acting like an old married couple"
Posts: 1,775
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Post by Caipra on Nov 23, 2009 14:46:52 GMT -5
I will try to show that Caipra is very worry about Bryn, because she can sense Bryn's dark side but she is still sure that Bryn won't turn bad and that she can handle everything alone. That's why she doesn't want to reveal anything to anyone. But then when Rumina will have reveal everything, she will feel really sorry because she could have avoided that... @doubar: Aye, I agree with you!
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Post by Doubar on Nov 23, 2009 14:48:25 GMT -5
Caipra: Aye, sounds good and reasonable that way.
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Post by 19101989 on Nov 23, 2009 14:53:58 GMT -5
okay we still have a time for the crew to continue chatting until caipra,s sensation of the revelation of dark within Bryn and as i mentioned before in the shot she will lock up her self in her room so sinbad can go first to ask her about what had happened i think that he could not see his bracelets glowing , at the same time of the confusing absence and appearance of the brunette without having the curiosity to figure out then caipra can join them and motion to sinbad to leave the two women alone as they can understand each other so caipra can give Bryn some good advices
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Caipra
Boatswain
"Stop acting like an old married couple"
Posts: 1,775
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Post by Caipra on Nov 23, 2009 15:07:02 GMT -5
Ok! So just tell me when you will be ready for all that! Meanwhile, do you mind if I ask some question about Bryn in the tavern? Now that she's gone, I think Caipra would like to know some things about the young sorceress, besides what Dermott already told her...
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Post by 19101989 on Nov 23, 2009 15:13:48 GMT -5
Caipra : ooof course that would be perfect ! i think that any addition will be so good for the flow of the story
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Post by Sinbad on Nov 23, 2009 15:18:07 GMT -5
Caipra: yup, that would be fine with me, too
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Post by Doubar on Nov 23, 2009 17:13:43 GMT -5
Hey guys, I need your advice. Do you think the post I made with Doubar in the tavern is okay? I had problems concentrading on the big guy somehow; haven't been sure what "his" and "my" thoughts have been (hope you know what I mean). I somehow couldn't sort out if those conclusions he made where okay for what he knew or if he only made them 'caus I know what has happened (e.g. the talks at the tiller and other background stuff). Furthermore I had to realize that I felt it to be kind of hard to think about the new Bryn since I/Doubar don't know her all that well [ alex: Don't worry, dear. That's nothing against you. I had the same problems with Mody's Bryn at the beginning. ] So, ah, to cut a long story short: just tell me when you think Doubar's post is somehow unfitting, would you? Thanx.
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Post by 19101989 on Nov 24, 2009 1:52:28 GMT -5
@doubar : i read your post and find it really good and that did not have any connection to knowing Bryn deeply or not i think that the new mysterious dark side of Bryn should make her behave unfamiliar actions so it is expected that she will grow more mysterious to the others and explaining her weird behavior as a result of the meeting with the devil is perfect actually it will help me reason her dark behavior if she was asked about or at least think about it as the responsible for her uneasiness
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Post by stinky cheese man on Nov 24, 2009 8:14:18 GMT -5
alex: About your one shot. Yeah! No offense, but this was your best use of English I read so far. There were still minor errors, and some problems with flow, but that’s my job. After all, I am the main beta reader. Hm, how did Bryn know that Caipra was like a mother to Sinbad? And well, Sinbad didn’t grow up with Caipra. And based on the story, Bryn begged Sinbad to see Caipra, because Dermott mentioned that she might be able to help Bryn’s powers. I would write “In fact Bryn began to regret begging Sinbad to visit Caipra in the first place, although she knew that she had to visit the woman if she wanted to learn how to control her powers better.” Really? Sinbad sounded like he wanted to NOT visit Caipra, because it would bring up memories of Maeve. distandlands.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=home&action=display&thread=107&page=2 He never smiled much. And again, how does Bryn know this? Again, how does Bryn know this? I’m surprised you jumped into night so quickly. But the rest is not bad. I just find it odd that Bryn rose up off the ground. Rumina could not do that. I would highly doubt Bryn would be able to do that, especially that she is the younger and less experienced one. My opinion would be I don't want any flying, not from Maeve, Bryn, or Rumina. Scratch could be an exception, because he is like a god. But all of these are my suggestions. You don’t have to take them.
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Post by 19101989 on Nov 24, 2009 8:48:05 GMT -5
@stinky : *looks at the long criticism she has to read with fear* oh boy ! why i asked your opinion in the first place ?? oh is my English so horrible that way ? and what do u mean by that ? i was writing this shot after returning from my college and after spending tough time trying to answer a take - home exam of 7 pages . no sleep . no entertainment and i just insisted to write it early before the ideas evaporated it is also my first long English written fic , with the fact that English is not my native Lang . and my native one is away from Latin letters okay ?? the mistakes u mentioned : well lets start with the easiest well i think that rumina is a witch using other methods to summon her magic then why not making Bryn a magic-gifted one with uncontrollable power .if she was a witch then she has no memory to recall spells if she was a sorceress, she did not learn magic just yet. i suppose that the dark side living within Bryn is very powerful. and what is wrong for being the younger and the most powerful and also what is the problem with "rose up " here ? i read fic where sinbad made more than On the assumption that he is a magic talented ..can u believe that from sinbad ?? and u said it before we do not have to cape pace with every small detail. oh i meant in position - i noticed that u does not pay more attentions to the respect of the higher position and i think being with the crew all this time they at least can refer to caipra even accidentally . i think that the RP did not deal with the almost two years of the crew,s life and sinbad of course -as much he hated visiting caipra for maeve, loss - he loved the memory he and maeve had with the old woman besides being a wife of dim dim the man like a father to him and again how does u know she did not notice or even sinbad did not smile sometime while mentioning caipra during the two years ? did u deal with the two years of the life of the crew to know for sure ?? i think that we should put the time gabs of the two years on consideration
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Post by Sinbad on Nov 24, 2009 8:59:12 GMT -5
Bryn: From experience I am sure that Stinky´s criticism is not meant in a bad way, but in a constructive way. Also, what he said in the beginning about "best English I´ve read of you so far", I think that was meant as a compliment. There are many people here who don´t speak English as a first language so that was referring to that, but as I get it not in a negative way. As for the rest, these are minor details and I, too, understand them as suggestions, not in a bad way, so don´t be anxious about them, okay?
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